Your Failure Does Not Define You

Failure  

 

 

The path to success, action, and productivity begins here.

Anshul Kumar

 

 

 

We don’t discuss failure openly, but we all experience it—every single one of us.

Failure is a part of life, and we all fail.

My apologies to you if you believe that you’ve never been unsuccessful because I believe you live a boring life. Speaking about it or going through it isn’t fun, and you may already be bringing back memories that sting.

But let's at least say it.

Our failures don’t define us, but they do.

In a sense, failure defines us. Positively!

Each failed attempt teaches a lesson. Growing from it has been great! The experiences of defeat, regret, and remorse I have gone through have equipped me to cope with such feelings.

As a result, I have become stronger, more aware, resilient, and adaptable.

Even if an effort fails, it does not mean it is worthless.

The failed Columbia mission and the Vietnam War are two such examples.

Columbia had three main objectives: launch safely into space, conduct scientific experiments, and land safely on Earth. The crew and personnel at the Houston space center attempted this. Unfortunately, a successful mission ended when the shuttle disintegrated during re-entry. Seven astronauts tragically lost their lives because the goal was not achieved.

Despite its failure, this tragedy has value, significance, and significance.

NASA had to rethink its contingency plans as a result. In addition, a careful review of NASA’s organizational structure, independent contractors, and engineering processes was required. Finally, due to congressional demands for accountability, Congress reevaluated its budgeting practices concerning space exploration. Nevertheless, the good that comes from the terrible failure is worth lauding.

Vietnam’s war was intended to prevent communism from spreading throughout the country. At the time, many believed the rest of Southeast Asia would follow Vietnam’s lead if it became communist. As a result of departure, the Communist party now controls the country. Although the conflict caused military training to advance, it also brought advancements.

Special forces taught us new tactics to fight in an environment where tanks were less effective than airstrikes. Those lessons helped us better prepare for modern warfare.

Changes such as these demonstrate the value that can gain through failure. I prefer not to have to pay such a high price for learning such lessons.

The Columbia space tragedy and the Vietnam War, both demonstrate how events perceived as failures can still have value.

My learnings during my journey.

My life will be filled with many or most supportive people. The same way they rooted for me at my new job, my friends and family will do the same as I examine new opportunities. Nothing has been said negatively about my decision to leave.

Friends can be a great party in good times and a support system in tough times, as I have always believed.

Family members and friends do not need to be proactive in showing their support to me — I am not expecting that. In general, a passive approach works well.

Be careful not to disclose your problems to everyone. Tell your problems only to people you trust. Smiles are not always accompanied by friendship. Of course, it is okay to share your details with a few people. But what is it you expect in return? Do you need emotional support or assistance?

Never tell your problems to everyone. 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them — Pablo Escobar

Final Thoughts.

Failure has made me more focused, productive, more informed, and resilient.

I would not be the person I am today had I not made the mistakes I have made. And I like who I am today.

One of my favorite sayings is, “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” It’s pretty much the first thing I told myself when I quit my job. It keeps me positive, focused and reminds me that life comes with failure, but the true failure would be staying down. Get up again!

When people first learned that I was giving up a secure, well-paying job to start a new job in a totally different field with less pay and a crazy work schedule, they thought I was a little crazy and may have been a bit skeptical. However, when they understood that I was pursuing a dream, they were incredibly supportive. I took a risk and gave up the good thing I had going for me.

As one friend put it, “I planned, I sacrificed, and I leaped.” I didn’t go into it blindly and unprepared. I was at a place in my life where I was able to take the risk.

Did you find the article interesting? Please holding down the 👏 to say “thanks” and help others find it! Also, please leave me your thoughts in the comments section.

Procrastination Isn’t About Living Your Life: It’s About Living It Without Living

3 principles from Steven Pressfield’s book helped me reduce daily resistance and boost productivity.

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Are You Swimming With or Against the Current of Life?

The Current of Life 

The story of the green sea turtle

Photo by Wexor Tmg on Unsplash

Niklas Göke

May 10·6 min read

In his book The Cafe on the Edge of the World, John Strelecky tells the story of a man in a hurry.

The man, a busy professional also named John, is stuck in a massive traffic jam en route to his much needed vacation. When he tries to circumvent the roadblock, he gets lost and, running out of fuel, energy, and growing ever hungrier, turns in to a cafe in the middle of nowhere — The Cafe of Questions.

Inside the cafe, John gets a delicious breakfast, but he is also confronted with a series of uncomfortable, oddly well-timed questions, such as “Why are you here?” “Do you fear death?” and “Are you fulfilled?” The waitress, cook, and fellow guests seem to be able to read his mind, and they all make him reflect deeply on the path in life he has chosen thus far.

At one point in the book, the waitress, Casey, sits down in John’s booth and tells him the story of the green sea turtle. She too was once on vacation, she says. Snorkeling off the coast of Hawaii, she spotted a green sea turtle right next to her in the water. This being the first time she ever saw one, she was excited and decided to follow the little guy for a while.

“To my surprise, although he appeared to be moving pretty slowly, sometimes paddling his flippers and other times just floating, I couldn’t keep up with him. I was wearing fins, which gave me propulsion power through the water, and didn’t have on a buoyancy vest or anything that would slow me down. Yet he kept moving farther from me, even though I was trying to keep up. After about ten minutes, he lost me. Tired, disappointed, and a little embarrassed I couldn’t keep up with a turtle, I turned back and snorkeled to shore.”

The next day, Casey returned to the same spot, and again, she found and tried to keep up with another green sea turtle. As she realized that turtle too was about to lose her, she stopped paddling and just floated in the water.

“As I was floating on the surface, I realized something: When the turtle was swimming, it linked its movements to the movements of the water. When a wave was coming at him, he would float, and paddle just enough to hold his position. When the pull of the wave was from behind him though, he’d paddle faster, so that he was using the movement of the water to his advantage. The turtle never fought the waves. Instead, he used them.”

Casey, on the other hand, had been paddling the whole time. This was easy enough when the tide was in her favor, but the more she fought the incoming waves, the less energy she had to capitalize on the outgoing ones later.

“As wave after wave came in and went out, I became more and more fatigued and less effective. Not the turtle though. He kept optimizing his movements with the movements of the water. That’s why he was able to swim faster than I could.”

If you’re like me — and John — at this point in the story, you’ll wonder: That’s great — but what does it have to do with me and my life? Actually, a whole lot, as Casey will explain in a second.

Have you ever felt like you’re fighting an uphill battle? As if for every two steps forward, life somehow pushes you one step back?

It happens to all of us. We do our best to fulfill our duties as responsible adults, and yet, it seems we must fight tooth and nail to make room for the few people and activities that are truly important to us. Why is that?

Well, as the green sea turtle might tell us: “You’re swimming against the current of life. Why don’t you try swimming with it?”

After Casey gives him some time to think about the story, John interprets it as follows:

“I think the turtle — the green sea turtle — taught you that if you aren’t in tune with what you want to do, you can waste your energy on lots of other things. Then, when opportunities come your way for what you do want, you might not have the time or strength to spend on them.”

Casey smiles, for she knows the power of grasping an important lesson out of one’s own thinking, and then she adds some more context to John’s insight:

“Each day, there are so many people trying to persuade you to spend your time and energy on them. Think about just your mail and email. If you were to participate in every activity, sale, and service offering you get notified of — you’d have no free time. And that’s just mail and email. Add on all the people who want to capture your attention for television time, online activities, places to eat, travel destinations…You can quickly find yourself living a life that’s just a compilation of what everyone else is doing, or what people want you to be doing.”

Casey then explains that since she observed the turtle moving effortlessly through the water, she has taken a new perspective on life: The incoming waves represent all the people, activities, and things that clamor for a share of her attention, time, or energy but don’t contribute to what she really wants to do in life. In essence, they block her from fulfilling her purpose. Meanwhile, the things and people that support Casey living in sync with her calling are like outgoing waves — they carry her towards her destiny.

That’s the lesson of the green sea turtle, and even though it’s a big one to swallow with his pancakes, John decides to chew on it for a while. I hope you will too.

When Casey leaves John to ponder her story, he asks her for pen and paper. On the back of his napkin, he calculates that if he spends 20 minutes a day flicking through unimportant mail for 60 years, that’s over 300 days of his life — almost an entire year, wasted on one incoming wave.

What about all the others? What about TV commercials, mindless radio listening, and people trying to network with him for their advancement? And those are just the distractions John didn’t choose. He too is human. He’ll distract himself as well along the way.

John is shocked. He tells Casey about his discovery. While she reminds him that not all mail is junk — and not all distractions are wasted time — she does admit:

“It can get you thinking. That’s why my time with the green sea turtle made such a big impact on me.”

When you feel like all you do is struggle, ask yourself: “Am I swimming with the current of life? Or am I desperately paddling against it?”

Do you focus too much on distractions? Are you allowing the wrong activities and people to take up your time? If so, it is no wonder every hour you spend on hobbies and friends you love feels like an hour you must mine from the hardest rock with your bare hands.

At the same time, for every distraction you ignore, one ally will look your way. Wait for the right wave, the right circumstances to arrive, and then ride it with everything you’ve got. If the knitted beanie trend is fading, maybe wait a year to start your knitting business. If a friend offers you a small book deal to tell a story you’ve always wanted to tell, go for it!

After years of high-paying but also highly stressful jobs, John Strelecky decided to finally fulfill his childhood dream of traveling the world. When he came back, he wrote the book he needed to read; he gave himself the message he needed to hear.

Since then, that message has been shared millions of times around the world: Don’t swim against the current of life. Focus on the right people, the right activities, and the right things. Only then will it carry you to your dreams.

It’s just one of many metaphors in his book, but I have no doubt that, somewhere on the edge of the world, a green sea turtle once taught Strelecky that lesson — and from that very same turtle, we can still learn to navigate the seas of life today.

Niklas Göke

I write for dreamers, doers, and unbroken optimists. For my best articles & book updates, go here: https://niklasgoeke.com/

6 Positive Habits We Often Mistake As Negative

Positive 

 

 

One of them is talking about money

Sinem Günel

 

 

 

 Photo by Ryland Dean on Unsplash

Most of us know that daily routines shape our lives. And just about everyone wants to build better habits. The problem is, we barely validate our current routines and thinking patterns.

Instead, we often mistake certain habits as negative even though they might actually add lots of value to our daily lives. In fact, we often focus on building and avoiding the wrong routines because we only look at the surface. The real power of habits, however, is often hidden behind.

Some patterns might not have an immediate impact on your life but subtly change how you think and behave in the long run.

Here are some of them:

Asking for Help

Modern success stories often make us believe that big successes are the result of one single person.

It seems as if Steve Jobs built Apple on his own and if Elon Musk is the only superbrain responsible for SpaceX.

Similarly, we easily get fooled by social media when looking at the daily Instagram stories of our favorite celebrities. We see our favorite creators looking beautiful, eating healthy, and taking care of their kids with ease.

What we don’t see is that they have a team that does their make-up, prepares delicious meals, and entertains the kids when mommy is busy recording Instagram stories.

Don’t get fooled into believing you need to master life on your own.

You can’t be great at everything and asking for help is the greatest form of self-care you can practice.

Quite often, we want to get everything done on our own because we’re too proud to ask for help and don’t want to come across as weak.

The reality, however, is that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

There’s no point in spending five hours on a task if an expert could do it in ten minutes.

Don’t let your fear of being judged stop you from asking for help when you feel stuck.

“Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new.”

— Barack Obama

Comfortably Talking About Money

In most countries, talking about money is worse than talking about sex.

While this might not sound like a big deal, it’s one of the primary reasons for. the lack of financial literacy in our society.

If you can’t even talk about something, how can you learn to manage it?

Even though most people try to deny it, money plays a massive role in our lives. Money itself might not make you happy, but the absence of it will surely make you unhappy.

Changing your mind from I shouldn’t talk about money to talking about money is necessary and fun can be your stepping stone to creating a better relationship with your finances.

This will also help you let go of the pressure around money because keeping secrets is always a burden. By talking about your income, expenses, and investments, you can let go of some anxiety and view your financial journey as a natural process.

However, this doesn’t mean you should post your paycheck on social media and let everyone know how much you spend on groceries. It’s more about improving your money-consciousness than sharing your numbers with others.

If you’re not doing it yet, your first step could be tracking and reviewing your income and expenses.

You can download a free tracking app on your smartphone and review your finances weekly or monthly.

Most people don’t even check their bank accounts because they’re afraid of facing their financial reality. By tracking and reviewing your expenses, you can easily improve your relationship with money.

Once that’s done, you could ask your partner or close friends to discuss money-related topics.

Again: This doesn’t mean you need to reveal all your numbers and secrets. You might start by talking about budgeting, how much you spend on certain items, or your favorite tips to save money.

Every conversation around money is better than none because it helps you be more aware of your resources.

“People don’t feel comfortable about money because they have it; they have it because they feel comfortable about it.”

— Bob Proctor

Tapping Out of Your Routines

Most self-improvement gurus preach how essential routines and strong habits are. And while that’s true, they often forget to emphasize how regularly tapping out of these routines can make them even more powerful.

Even though our lives can become significantly easier through meaningful habits, these routines shouldn’t hold us back from living life to the fullest.

If you’re always stuck in the same pattern without ever daring to tap outside, you’ll likely miss many opportunities and unique chances to experience beautiful memories.

This is particularly important for creative minds and those pursuing a career that requires a high level of productivity as well as creativity (e.g., writing).

Repetition can lead to increased productivity, but spontaneity is the sister of creativity.

If you follow the same structures and patterns day in and day out, you don’t leave any room for unexpected discoveries and surprises.

“If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine. It’s lethal.”

— Paulo Coelho

Being a Little Selfish

Most of our historical heroes have one thing in common: They sacrificed themselves or their comfort for the common good. Nelson Mandela, Rosa Parks, or Martin Luther King Jr., just to name a few.

Their sacrifices and courage are why we memorize their names and remind ourselves of their generous acts.

And quite often, we might think of these heroes and believe we’re not as good as them if we don’t sacrifice parts of our lives as well.

But the truth is that this comparison doesn’t make much sense.

There’s a big difference between making a real impact in the world and trying to please everyone around you.

The former doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to sacrifice yourself. The latter, however, often ends up in frustration and a lack of self-worth.

If we always try to please those around us, we mostly neglect our own desires and needs. As a result, we lack energy and passion, making it way harder to show up as our best selves.

The harsh reality is that you can’t please everyone anyway. There will always be people who don’t like how you do certain things or don’t understand why you do what you do.

But guess what? Their opinions shouldn’t matter.

We all have one single life and the painful truth is that nobody will help you live an extraordinary life if you don’t allow yourself to do so.

Sometimes, being a little selfish and prioritizing yourself can make all the difference.

This might mean canceling a date to spend some time alone, saying no to someone or something, or just prioritizing your own needs before helping others.

“You can’t really be present for the people in your life if you aren’t taking care of yourself.”

— Kerry Washington

Dreaming About the Process

We often judge dreamers and praise the action-takers.

But research proves that visualizing the process of how you achieve a particular goal can actually help you create better results.

For decades, self-help gurus were preaching how visualizing an outcome would help you to achieve your goals.

But in 2011, researchers at the New York University found out that visualizing an outcome is destructive, not beneficial.

That’s because visualizing the final state you want to achieve makes you believe you already accomplished it. And this might diminish your motivation to actually take action and make things happen.

Visualizing the process, however, is different as it helps us follow through on the action and actually achieve our goals.

While visualizing yourself sitting at a beach, sipping cocktails might decrease your chances for achievement. Visualizing how you master your craft and get things done, however, can indeed help you get closer to your goals.

“Visualization is daydreaming with a purpose.”

― Bo Bennett

Wasting Some Time

While laziness is not particularly interesting, taking time for recovery isn’t only recommended but necessary.

In our output-driven economy, we often find ourselves in a doom loop of working more, achieving bigger goals, and taking less time for recovery.

The reality, however, is that we all need some time to sharpener our saw. You can’t give 100% all the time and you don’t need to.

Even though life is too short to waste lots of time, this doesn’t apply to taking some time off to relax, unwind, and let your mind wander. Nobody can operate at peak efficiency and creativity all the time and the sooner you take some time off, the earlier you’ll reach your goals.

If you need to wait in line at the grocery store, wait in peace. Don’t check your emails to use that time productively.

If the bus is late, take those few minutes to think of something you’re grateful for.

We all need these downtimes to recharge and refresh. Don’t judge yourself for wasting a few minutes of your day by disconnecting from the outer world and listening to your inner guidance.

“Taking time to do nothing often brings everything in perspective.”

— Doe Zantamata

Written by

Sinem Günel

Entrepreneur, Coach & Dreamer. I write about Personal Growth & Business. 🇦🇹 🇹🇷 Grab your Personal Growth Toolkit: http://bit.ly/pgtk0320 I IG: sinem.guenel

20 Realistic Micro-Habits To Live Better Every Day

Living Better 

 

Aimed at humans, not gods.

Amardeep Parmar

Dec 5, 2020 · 8 min read

Created by the author

I’m sick of lists of habits that are unrealistic for the majority of people. Even worse is when someone says to wake up at 5 am or run 10 kilometers every day and calls it a micro-habit.

This is not one of those lists.

Each micro-habit here takes one minute at most each day or uses a task most people do anyway. None of them will transform or revolutionize your life but they can help you live a little bit better every day and this adds up over time.

I draw on the research by BJ Fogg in “Tiny Habits” and the Japanese concept of kaizen. When each task is so small it’s hard to skip it so there’s no need for willpower. The beauty of this is after some time it becomes a natural part of your daily routine so you’re acting in your best interests without even realizing it!

I’ve avoided fluffy ideas and stuck to things I have done in my own life where I can find good research backing. Don’t try to do everything on this list at once but pick the ones you think will work for you. Later you can come back for more or create your own to suit your lifestyle. Here we go!

#1. Lie on your back and hang your head and shoulders off the bed for up to two minutes.

In our daily lives, we don’t invert our bodies enough. This little stretch before going to sleep helps to open up the chest and get some blood flowing to the heart and brain. It feels good too!

For people who are hunched over their desk at an office, it also relieves some of the damage.

#2. Turn off autoplay and leave the control and your phone next to the TV.

Streaming services want you to watch more, they want you to be addicted to their service. I used to end up watching 3 episodes in a row when I planned to watch one because I was too lazy to stop when the next episode auto-played.

Turn the feature off and make sure your control is next to the TV so you physically have to get up to continue watching. It gives you a circuit breaker to choose to do something else with your time and move your body.

#3. Add on the cost to your health for any convenience buys.

There are so many things we can buy to make us lazier and make us do less work. Do you really need Alexa to turn the lights on and off rather than walking over to the switch yourself?

Work out how many steps/calories buying the product will cost you and make sure you replace it if you decide to buy. Don’t cut out simple everyday movements to make time to not go to the gym.

#4. Do extra squats whenever you go to the bathroom.

The Chair Test is used by doctors to test functional fitness. If you are young and healthy it might sound easy but it’s a key ability that diminishes as we age and can reduce our quality of life. Modern life means we sit for long periods which can weaken our muscles and make it harder to stand.

This doesn’t mean you need to break your back squatting at the gym. Try sneaking in a few squats whenever you finish in the bathroom. It might only be 10 squats a day but over time, it adds up.

#5. Balance on one leg when brushing your teeth in the morning and the other leg in the evening.

Balance is overlooked until it’s gone. How incredible is it that most of us can go about the majority of our lives and stay steady on our feet? After injuries or with old age, balance can decrease and contribute to painful falls.

The time you can spend standing on one leg is a great indicator of overall brain health too. I sneak balance training into my day by standing on my left leg when I brush my teeth in the morning and on my right in the evening. I wobbled a lot at the start but now I can hold 2 minutes on each leg without a problem.

EDIT: Dan Schmelter, a 75-year-old from Indiana, goes the extra mile. He uses brushing time as the beginning of a stretching routine that he continues after his electric toothbrush pings to say time is up. He varies this every day to keep nimble. Thanks for sharing!

#6. Make sure your butt goes to the back of anywhere you sit.

Despite a decade in martial arts, I had awful posture because of the way I sat when using a computer. The gap I left between my butt and the backrest of the chair weakened my back muscles.

I don’t aim for perfect posture, I only make sure my butt is always flush against the backrest. By doing this, the other aspects of good seated posture feel more natural.

#7. Use mobile websites, not apps.

Here’s a secret, mobile apps are designed to make you enjoy using them as much as possible. It’s good business sense and they want your attention. Yet mobile websites are far more clunky because developers have far less freedom to create a great experience for you.

If you want to spend less time on your phone then choose the poorer user experience. Anyone who has used Instagram’s mobile website will know it’s far harder to become addicted and as an extra win, you don’t receive any notifications!

#8. Follow the 20–20–20 rule.

Surprisingly, humans didn’t evolve to spend half their waking hours staring at a screen. The 20–20–20 rule is simple:

Set a timer for every 20 minutes to look away from a screen for 20 seconds at an object 20 feet away.

Make sure to blink while you are focused on the object in the distance too. While following this rule isn’t a license to spend 16 hours in a computer chair, it can help reduce the strain on your eyes.

#9. Put your phone on airplane mode in another room before going to sleep.

I’m willing to bet 99% of the time, most people don’t get a call in the middle of the night that they needed to deal with urgently. We don’t need to sleep with our phones.

Blue light late at night messes with our body clock and waking up with a need to check your phone instantly screams addiction. Take back control of your mornings by leaving your phone in another room on airplane mode. At the very least you’ll have extra motivation to get out of bed and start your day.

#10. Unfollow accounts that stress you out.

I didn’t have Twitter until this year and I wasn’t ready for the constant outrage. The trending bar at the side is almost always some kind of drama I don’t need to know about.

Several people I followed for their insights used their platform to post rants about dubious information. I did myself a favor and unfollowed people who wanted to enrage rather than inform me. How Twitter sees an event often isn’t how it actually plays out.

#11. Always eat before you go shopping.

Research found people who shopped on an empty stomach were more likely to impulse buy food to meet their cravings. Whatever diet works best for you is what you want to stick to and it’s easier to avoid temptations when your belly is satisfied.

I’ve made the mistake of going shopping just before dinner and coming back with a pack of cookies to eat while I cook.

#12. Take a break after your meal before going for dessert.

It can take 15–20 minutes for our brain to register that we are full as we process our food. If you jump straight into dessert, you’ll only feel the bloating and food coma effects afterward!

#13. Drink water before you eat.

We can confuse hunger and thirst pretty easily and many adults are chronically dehydrated. Try drinking a glass of water before your meal to be sure you’re eating because you are actually hungry.

#14. Leave a glass of water by your bed when you sleep.

You’ve probably heard the drink a glass of water advice when you wake up. But do you do it? Instead, bring the body out of its dehydrated state because there’s already a glass staring at you in the morning when you get up. Put it in front of your alarm so you can’t ignore it.

#15. No sugar in tea or coffee.

We don’t need sugar in tea and coffee. We don’t really need sugar in most places it’s added but hot drinks are one of the few places where we do the deed ourselves.

Most of us get more than enough sugar as it is judging from the diabetes explosion in the western world. The great thing about stopping this sugar habit is your taste buds adjust after a couple of weeks so you won’t miss it.

#16. Wear sunscreen whenever in the sun for long periods.

The cosmetics and make-up industry is booming yet many of us neglect to protect our skin. Even when it’s cold or cloudy, UV rays from the sun can still do damage. It’s not only about having skin that looks youthful but it prevents skin cancer too.

The easiest way is to pick a moisturizer that includes a sun protection factor of at least 30. It’s such a small change, why wouldn’t you make it?

#17. Take vitamin D spray in the winter.

If you live in a country with a cold and dark winter like me, you are probably vitamin D deficient in this period. Vitamin D comes from sunlight naturally and helps regulate the immune system.

I leave my spray next to my toothbrush and it’s near impossible for me to skip even if I’m in a rush.

#18. No screens while eating.

Eating mindfully means you give your taste buds the chance to enjoy your food. It gives our minds much needed rest from being plugged in all the time and helps us work out when we are full so we don’t overeat.

I found this hard when I started doing it, which says a lot about how addicted to my smartphone I was. If it’s the same for you, it should shock you into knowing change is needed.

#19. Every time you go shopping buy a fruit or vegetable you haven’t tried before.

It’s easy to stick to foods we know we like but the human body is designed for a variety of nutritional sources. Modern supermarkets have a huge variety of fresh food available so it’s easy to grab a new one on top of your usual shop each time.

The different colors of vegetables signify different essential nutrients so by mixing things up we reduce our chances of severe deficiencies. As a bonus, you’ll find new healthy foods you like the taste of and can get more of in the future!

#20. Whenever you want to doom scroll, do a minute of deep breathing first.

The average American checks their phone 52 times a day. Yet according to breathing experts like Rangan Chatterjee and James Nestor, we rarely breathe as deeply as we should.

We can pair up our instinct to check our phones with a reaction of taking a deep breath. Before you touch your phone, breathe in for 3 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, and release for 5 seconds. This trains us to improve our breathing capability and introduces a delay where there’s a chance we’ll decide we don’t need our phone anyway.

This article has resonated with many people so I’ve formed a structured 30-day challenge if you want to try them out.

Stop telling yourself you are going to start a new impossible habit and pick one or more of these realistic micro-habits. Maybe none work for you but I hope they inspire you to think of your own.

Do you have any more ideas? I’d love to hear them.

Love this? Learn more about me and subscribe here

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness and fulfillment.

• Life
• Life Lessons
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Written by

Amardeep Parmar

Rethinking self-improvement with mindfulness╰☆╮My short newsletter: https://amardeep.substack.com ╰☆╮Writing advice: https://writeyourfuture.substack.com/

 

15 Proactive Habits That Will Lead to Huge Results in 2021

Change the way you work 

 

  Image:  Zac Durant

2020 has been a tough year. Everyone is starting to wind down.

If you want 2021 to be better, you will have to make it better yourself. You can prepare yourself for a calmer year ahead by taking control of everything within your power. You can build better life-changing habits.

William James once said, “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits — practical, emotional, and intellectual — systematically organized for our weal or woe, and bearing us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be.” Make 2021 the year of better habits.

Here are a few simple but effective ways you can start the year better. They are opportunity areas you can explore to improve every area of your life. Or better still, simple but proactive habits you can build that will allow your end goals to manifest themselves.

In 2021, don’t bite off more than you can chew — Setting ambitious and unrealistic goals you can’t achieve is a great way to overwhelm yourself.

When we make tiny changes we can wire in positive behaviours over time. Within two months or so, a new behaviour ­can become automatic; a new habit that can be the start of a big change.

Make fewer assumptions — Forget 2020. In 2021, don’t assume things will get worse(that mindset puts you in an anxious mode all the time). Carry a different tone into the new year. Be open to new possibilities about life. Remain flexible and willing to adapt to thrive.

In a rapidly changing world, the ability to change your mind or adapt is an indispensable skill. If you don’t give yourself permission to change your mind, you cannot change anything in your life.

Hold yourself accountable — Take 100% responsibility for your actions and happiness. Life instantly improves when you focus on what you can control.

End your week holding a five-minute meeting with yourself and review what’s working and everything making you miserable. And do more of what works.

Structure each day and follow a meaningful routine — High achievers swear by routines. It’s the only way to get things done. Structure your day right, do more high-value tasks that deliver 80% of the results you want.

Don’t allow your expectations to run your life — Don’t take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you. Plan and manage what is in your control, like what makes you happy and how you react to events and situations. Let go of how things “should be”, and focus on how things are.

Notice your small wins — Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Whatever you are pursuing may take a considerable amount of time. So enjoy your progress, notice but don’t dwell on your failures and take time to recognize what you are doing right.

Learn to completely switch off from work — Disengaging from work, email and your phone for at least an hour prior to bed can do wonders for your mind. It’s one of the best ways to take good breaks from work and recharge for the next day.

Build an evening routine that can help you wind down — Put some thought into activities in the evening that can help you rest better. You could read a great book, review your day in a journal, spend quality time with your family.

Take your sleep disorder seriously — If you’ve not been sleeping well, change your habits. Cut caffeine at midday. Dine a little earlier. Reduce the brightness on your tv, phone or iPad an hour or two before bed.

Plan breaks in between deep work sessions — So many of us are chained to our desks every day. Aim to get up every 45 minutes or so a habit. It will keep you you moving and refresh your brain.

Make any change one step at a time — Want to start writing? write 500 words instead of 1000. Want to build an active reading habit? Start with 2 pages every day. Want to lose weight? Eat from a smaller plate. Addicted to your phone? Leave it in ­another room. Want to get fit? Take the stairs.

“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped, says Charles Duhigg.

If you want to start a fitness habit, start small — 30 minutes intense exercise may not be sustainable. Start with 5 minutes stretches in the morning. Do 15 push-ups or 15 squats instead of 50. Climb some stairs, or do some lunges for 5 minutes. Every little bit really does help. It’s hard to make a big change at once. Small increments are helpful.

Sneak calming activities into your busy day — If you are busy and live by your calendar, put times in the schedule when you can focus on things that can help you take a break to calm your active mind. You could plan 10 minutes walks, 30 minutes reading or nap time to decompress.

Make time to read — Seriously. It’s one of the best things you can do for your brain. A stimulated mind = a stimulated life. Read great books that can help you to think in new ways.

Diversify your skill portfolio (before you need it). It’s important to ensure that you aren’t putting all of your eggs in one basket. Learning new and indispensable skills can improve your chances of work. Don’t allow everything to hinge on one skill. By all means, become a polymath.

Changing direction in 2021 will require developing better daily habits. Fulfilment and contentment are completely within your control. So, cultivate those habits that help you enjoy life to the fullest.

Written by

Thomas Oppong

Founder @AllTopStartups | Featured at Forbes, Business Insider, etc. | Join my personal newsletter for life and career tools at https://postanly.substack.com