Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal growth. Show all posts

Sunday, 17 October 2021

9 Uncomfortable Truths You Should Accept Early in Life

Life's Truths 

 

 

First, they might hurt. But in the end, they’ll make you happier.


Sinem Günel
 

We all want to know the truth, but if the truth is uncomfortable, we get annoyed and wish we never heard about it at all. The reality is, most people don’t want to face the uncomfortable truths of life, even if they say they do.

They just want to live with their blinds on and avoid as many problems and difficulties as possible.

While this might first sound comfortable, it eventually leads to an unfulfilling and repetitive life.

And in the worst case, denying the uncomfortable truths will make it harder for you to take responsibility and design your own life.

If you constantly choose comfort over courage, you’ll end up being the puppet of others. If you, however, manage to embrace the following truths, you might be able to design an extraordinarily fulfilling life.

You Should Either Have a Partner Who Supports Your Dreams or No Partner at All

Being around people who’re trying to keep you small is painful. And if it’s your partner who’s trying to ignore your dreams, it hurts even more.

One of my best friends has recently been in a relationship where his goals were way more important than hers. He didn’t care what exactly she wanted to achieve or do. All that mattered was that she made it as easy as possible for him to move forward.

If she ever talked about her ambitious career goals, he laughed at her and told her why her dreams were unachievable.

Even though we sometimes can’t choose whether we fall in love or not, we can indeed choose whether we stay with someone.

If your partner is constantly trying to talk you down and discourage you, it’s probably the wrong partner.

A rich relationship should be full of support and encouragement. If someone doesn’t want to see you win, he’ll probably also fail to be by your side when you need him most.

That’s why you should always surround yourself with people who can cheer for you and support you in becoming your best self but who’re also there for you when you hit rock bottom.

Life Isn’t Fair

If you expect life to be fair, you’ll be disappointed.

Shit happens, and sometimes, there’s no reasonable explanation for why things happen or why people do what they do.

Focus on the things you can control and let go of the rest.

Worrying about the things you can’t control is a pure waste of time and energy.

Money Rules the World

No matter if you like it or not — money matters.

The vast majority of the global population spends 40+ hours per week working for money. And they do so for the majority of their life.

Most people hate their jobs, but they have no other choice because they need to pay the bills.

And even though we all spend such a significant part of our lives working for money, most people deny its importance.

But the painful truth is that saying “I don’t care about money.” just makes it worse.

You do care about money because you have bills to pay. The earlier you embrace this truth, the easier your life will be.

Stop denying the power and importance of money and start learning how to use it to your advantage.

Track your income and expenses. Stop wasting your income on useless things. Live below your means. Learn how to use your money, so it works for you instead of against you.

Money isn’t everything, but it certainly makes lots of things easier and more fun.

Just because a relationship has lasted a long time doesn’t mean it’s working.

According to a study from the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, only 60% of those polled reported being very happy in their relationship in 2014.

And even though global divorce rates are soaring, we often overlook that millions of people across the globe don’t leave their toxic or unfulfilling relationships.

But what’s worse is that we often think of the duration of a relationship as an indicator of happiness.

The truth, however, is that millions of people stay in relationships they’d love to leave because they’re used to it.

They think they already invested so much into the relationship and end up being trapped in the Sunk Cost Fallacy, which makes things even worse: They don’t want to end the relationship because they already invested so much time. Yet, nothing changes, and they’re unhappy and dissatisfied. But with each new attempt, they invest even more time and energy, so they become even more attached to the relationship, and the cycle repeats itself for years, decades, or a lifetime.

In the end, both partners end up having wasted way more time and energy than needed, and they’d both be better off by just parting their ways when they first realized there’s a mismatch.

There Won’t Ever Be a Better Time to Start.

Most people waste their lifetime procrastinating instead of living their desired life because they think there will be “a better time to start”.

The truth, however, is that working on your dreams will never be easier, and the best time to start was yesterday.

You never know how much time you have left, and life is certainly too short to postpone the things you’re most looking forward to.

Making a Wrong Decision Is Better Than Making No Decision

When was the last time you struggled to make a decision?

This morning when choosing what to wear?
Last night when deciding what to eat for dinner?
Or last week when you had to make a significant decision that could shape your entire life?

Whatever it was, I bet it wasn’t long ago and that you’re struggling to make small decisions every day.

And it’s not even your fault.

With endless possibilities, opportunities, and choices than ever before, it became significantly more difficult to decide.

A few decades ago, you could order a black coffee, coffee with milk, and decide if you wanted to have sugar. Today, you can spend half an hour reading the menu of Starbucks.

And that’s still only one of the most insignificant choices of our lives.

Most people are so afraid of making a wrong decision that they don’t decide at all. They end up being trapped in analysis paralysis and waste a significant part of their life thinking about their decisions instead of just taking action.

But here’s the painful truth: Overthinking isn’t productive. It’s just a form of procrastination because you’re afraid of making the right decision.

You Only Get Stronger by Doing Hard Things

Staying in your comfort zone and doing what you’ve always been doing sounds appealing, yet, it’s exactly why you might be failing to move forward.

If you only do things that feel easy, you’ll end up living an ordinary life and fail to turn your ambitious goals into reality.

Achieving something worthwhile always takes courage, discipline, and risks.

Doing the easy things will never lead to satisfaction. Doing the hard things, however, isn’t easy, but it’ll ultimately be worth it.

Nobody Is Flawless

…and if someone pretends to be perfect, you need to be extra careful.

We all have flaws and make mistakes. That’s what makes us human and what makes life so interesting.

Yet, one of the biggest strengths is to be self-aware and reflect on your faults.

If someone pretends to be perfect and can’t ever talk about his weaknesses, it’s a sign that he lacks self-awareness. These people constantly tell you what you are doing wrong but fail to see their own mistakes.

Social media is stealing your time and energy (but it doesn’t have to)

Social media isn’t bad. Most people just don’t know how to use it and become its victim.

You can decide whether you use social media to make your life better or if you end up wasting your time scrolling through useless posts.

You can decide whether you are a creator or a consumer of content.

Being a creator is fulfilling, energizing, and can even be profitable.

Being a consumer, however, will cost you time, energy, and probably even money.

The #1 goal of every social media platform and website is to keep you glued to your screen for as long as possible. It’s up to you to break that cycle and use technology to your advantage.

Final thoughts

Life isn’t always easy, but it’s good.

Even though you might be facing challenges and difficulties, it’s a privilege to be alive.

If you can stop chasing shiny objects and focus on the few things that actually matter, you can indeed live a simple and good life.

Keep in mind that nobody really cares about you or your problems and that you’re the only one responsible for the life you live.

Make sure you’re surrounded by people who support your dreams (or at least don’t put you down).

Keep in mind that money matters, and make sure you don’t waste it.

Avoid staying close to people just because you’ve already been close to them for a long time.

Don’t expect life to be fair. Create your own rules.

Don’t forget that making quick decisions is always better than making no decision.

Start as early as possible.

Do the hard things, so you can become more experienced and stronger.

Don’t believe in anyone being perfect. We all make mistakes.

Use social media to make your life better and richer.

The more time you spend ignoring certain truths, the more time you ultimately waste. Allow yourself to break that cycle and embrace the truths that might first be a little painful. In the end, it’s those truths that’ll help you live a rich life.

Personal Growth

Sharing our ideas and experiences.

Sinem Günel

Written by

I help non-fiction writers build a 6-figure online biz and create a life they love. ⚡ Grab your free Framework: https://bit.ly/fbaframework I IG: sinem.guenel

Personal Growth

Monday, 20 September 2021

10 Micro-Habits to Improve Your Life in the Next 10 Days

Microhabits to change your everyday life 

 


21 days is a lot to develop a habit. These micro-habits will change your life in 10 days.

Yousuf Rafi
 

It takes backbreaking work to create a stunning life.

Sadly, people want instant success, instant fame, and instant money. I don’t believe that it takes 21 days to create a habit. No one wants to wait that long. So if you follow these micro-habits from today, you’ll get instant results within 10 days.

1. Learn to say ‘No’ more

Get hold of your hours. Learn to say ‘No’ more. Each day will present you with tons of opportunities, but you must say ‘No’ to most of them to live a peaceful life.

Figure out your priorities and reject everything else. Don’t attend the call when you are talking with the client. Don’t take extra work just because your friend is offering it. Reject the client if you are already working on another project.

Once you start saying ‘No’ to unnecessary things, you’ll automatically say ‘Yes’ to things that matter most to you.

2. Journal every day

Even if you’re not a writer, journaling every day will provide enormous benefits. Whether you have a business plan, new startup idea, an event that changed your life, jot it down with details in your journal. Once you build the habit of writing something every day, your mind will be trained to look for ideas and new insights in everything.

And most importantly, journaling daily will eliminate all your stress.

3. Sit in silence

A normal human has around 6,200 thoughts each day which means 258 thoughts per hour. To make your mind at peace, you need to sit in silence each day for at least 5–10 minutes. If you can, meditate; otherwise, close your eyes and don’t think about anything. If thoughts arrive, let them; don’t fight them.

When you stop controlling your thoughts, that is when your mind will find peace.

4. Don’t react; respond!

Most of us react to things that make things difficult for us. Instead of reacting, start responding to things.

When an event occurs, don’t react; take a step back, think about what outcome you want from the situation, and respond accordingly. For instance, if a co-worker shouts at you, in reaction, you can shout back. But who will benefit from it? Instead, if you think about maintaining a healthy relationship with that person, you will either remain silent or leave. That’s how you respond to a situation and take control of it.

5. Take action, fast!

In her best-selling book The 5 Second Rule, Mel Robbin talks about taking action for things that require less than 5 minutes. Need to reply to an email? Just do it. Have an amazing idea? Write it down. Found a solution while you’re showering, take a break and jot that down.

6. Read a lot

One micro-habit that will change the course of your life is daily reading. Even if it’s an hour or half an hour each day, read everything that helps you grow personally, professionally, or financially.

If reading is too much for you, listen to an audiobook or podcast. Read, listen or watch a YouTube video from TED. For self-growth, reading plays a vital role in your life.

7. Observe your patterns

Instead of blaming yourself for procrastination or unhealthy behavior, notice what prompted you to do so in the first place.

Observe and learn the patterns of your life. From waking up till you lie down to bed at night, notice what prompted you to get angry, what made you happy, and what irritated you throughout the day.

Once you understand yourself, there is a good chance that you’ll be able to do something to improve it.

8. Stop complaining and start doing

No need to enroll in a course to make more money. With a laptop and internet, you can do that all in your home. Watch YouTube videos, talk to experts and join forums that you’re interested in.

If you plan on starting a business, join relevant groups and learn from people who are already successful. Your life will start changing the moment you stop complaining and start executing things.

9. Drink lots of water

Don’t limit yourself to 8 glasses of water. Drink as much as you can. Apart from keeping you hydrated, water helps digestion, stabilizes the heartbeat, flushing bacteria from your bladder, protects organs and tissues, along with tons of other benefits.

10. Begin each day with “What can I change today to make my life better?”

Get out of the habit of “how to get through this day?” and start your day with “How to improve my day today?” Do whatever improves your life. It must get you closer to your goal in life or makes you financially independent.

Start a small business. Pick a side-hustle. Help someone establish a business. Teach someone what you already know.

The good thing about micro-habits is that they are easy to develop. You don’t need long hours to develop it. You can take these habits and add them to your life.

What are the micro-habits that helped you improve your life? Share and let others learn from it.


Sunday, 13 June 2021

Five Limiting Beliefs That Keep You From Succeeding

Limiting Beliefs 

 

Imagine living under a cloud 24/7

Darius Foroux

 

 

“I need to know everything before I start”

“What if it doesn’t work out?”

“I don’t know what I want”

“I don’t know how to do it”

“Some people say they have 20 years experience when in reality, they have 1 year’s experience repeated 20 times.”

“It’s too late now”

Fear is like living under a cloud

Author of 7 books, including Think Straight | My online course, Wealth Strategies, is now free: dariusforoux.com/wealth-strategies


Sunday, 18 April 2021

Why Challenging Ourselves Is Essential to Sharpening Our Creativity

Creativity 

 

 

How undertaking a project of epic scope can strengthen you.

A. S. Deller



When I was in sixth grade, my first year in a new school, and also my first year in middle school, I went from being a pretty average kid who did very well in school and had a number of friends to becoming very introverted.

I left all those friends hundreds of miles behind. It was the year I experienced my first (and only, thank goodness) in bullying, perpetrated by an eighth-grade boy who would fit perfectly as a cast member named “Obnoxious Cruel Jackass Number 2” in any number of 80s movies.

That school year also began just a few months after the first really impactful death in my life, that of my maternal grandmother, who I was very close to and at whose home my little brother and I spent countless sleepovers.

Everything, all at once, seemed to pile on and suffocate me. It was the first time I told myself “I want to die”.

I don’t write this to make you feel bad for me. Please don’t. There are many people who had and have it far worse than I. Indeed, thirty-plus years later, I’m doing fine. This is just to set the stage.

If this perfect storm hadn’t all come together then, I might not be able to consider myself a writer now. It was because of these factors that I “retreated” into a fantasy world of my own creation. I wrote and drew the first page, of what would become thousands, of a sci-fi/fantasy/adventure comic strip I called “Protector”.

It brought together influences from comic books and movies I had seen and told the story of the last of a race of people who became a knight covered in a liquid metal armour that traversed space in search of people to help in a never-ending quest against various and sundry evil forces.

I continually added to this story for the next seven years, charting the course of the Protector’s life and battles. He saved millions, got married, and eventually had a son who took his father’s place as the Protector of the next generation.

I didn’t start that story with any idea on how it would end, or even an outline for how events would play out over the years. It just happened. And the more I did, the more it healed me and helped me come out of whatever cocoon I was in. By the time I reached high school, I felt normal again…

Whole.

Whatever I Did, it Healed Me

A few years ago, I had an idea for a novel that I knew would be tough. I knew it would mean a lot of hours of research, let alone actual writing and rewriting. To make it good, really good, I would need to essentially learn all I could about the world history of the past millennium, gothic and horror literature since the 18th century and a dozen exotic foreign locales.

I was accustomed to writing screenplays, short stories and poetry — generally, things involving processes measuring from one day to possibly four months at most. Now, I was preparing to jump into a novel that could take a year, maybe two.

It’s been three years now, and I’m almost done with the first draft.

The forward momentum and challenge of taking on something, to me, that is fairly grand in scope, propelled my creativity to new heights. I started and completed another new novel in 2016. I’ve also outlined and made serious headway on a new novel series.

All while in the midst of working on the mega-project.

I’ve argued with myself about doing this. Of course, I’ve used up precious time that I could have dedicated to the “big” book. Surely, I would have finished that one had I never zipped away on these other tangents!

But, throughout it all, my brain was in overdrive. I’ve probably had more ideas in the past 3 years than in the whole previous 40.

And I think I’ve figured it out:

The more we challenge ourselves as writers, the more our minds adapt to the challenge.

This has some scientific backing. We know that continued education throughout life, as well as continued reading and playing puzzle or “thinking” games in later life, tends to keep the mind nimble and promotes overall health.

And it makes sense, just like hitting the gym or going for a run. If you desire “gains”, you need to do a lot of reps or push yourself to greater distances.

So, don’t just accept the short, small, easy tasks. Don’t aim for the minimum level you can strive for.

And don’t just come up with a dream project to simply have one. Come up with that dream project with the full intent to finish it, even if you know could take years.


Thursday, 11 March 2021

How to Make Your Regrets a Source of Strength | Nate Rifkin in The Ascent

Regrets 

 

Regret begets more regret, but gratitude also begets more gratitude.

 

Ever wish you could go back in time and slap yourself?

I do.

In between my first and second year of college, I languished at my mom’s house like a lump of Jell-O that refused to even wiggle.

Three days per week, I lifted weights at a nearby gym. Every evening, I boiled some spaghetti, dumped it on a plate without tomato sauce or cheese, retreated to my older brother’s former bedroom (because it still had a television), and watched a line-up of The Simpsons, Seinfeld, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and some other shows mixed in between. On weekends, I anguished over what I’d watch without the usual weekday lineup and usually found some mediocre movie.

Why was I wasting my life?

I told myself I was waiting. My goal was to create how-to products about fitness and weight training. First, I decided, I had to get more muscular, which could take a few years, but I had the time. As I waited for my muscles to grow, I figured I didn’t have anything to do but work out, eat plain spaghetti, and wait.

My pasta routine didn’t produce the glamorous body I was anticipating. Years later, I’d think about the wasted potential — the wasted time — and wish I could go back to slap myself silly and awaken some semblance of sensibility.

For most of my late-twenties, I worked as a sign-spinner and stood on the corner of the street in front of a store, waving a sign.

Usually, I wore a smock that looked like a big $100 bill. It got so soaked and caked with exhaust fumes, sweat, and grime that it turned grey, peppered with questionable splotches of black. It looked like a billfold that had been shoved through too many vending machines, waved around at too many strip clubs, and rolled into too many straws for snorting coke.

Once, as I waved my sign wearing the nasty smock, a car rolled by and a woman shouted from inside, “You need to clean your uniform!”

I looked down. She was right. During my break, I said we needed a new smock and, the next morning, someone brought over a fresh one. As I pulled it out of the packaging, I marveled at its sheen, the subtle shades of green, and the detail of Ben Franklin’s face.

I strode outside, proud to look like a hundred bucks. The same car rolled by again. The woman looked at me and gave a thumbs-up.

I didn’t always wear the smock. During the holiday season, I wore a Santa Claus outfit.

One day, a woman with a missing tooth walked by and said, “Do you have any idea how many women want to sit on your lap?”

“How many?” I asked.

“A lot!”

Maybe some guys did too. One man in his sixties slinked beside me near the end of my shift and, as he darted glances back and forth, said, “Just about ready to go in?”

“Yup,” I said.

He said, “We’ve, uh, gotten to know each other pretty well, you know?” (We’d had one exchange a few days before.)

“Uh I guess so.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure,” I said.

“What do you think of sex?” He gestured his hands out, palms up — the kind of motion someone would say while exclaiming picture this.

I had no idea how to respond so I said, “Could you be more specific?”

“Well…”

Our short conversation ended with him moseying onward up the street.

One more story:

I often did my sign-spinning barefoot (earthing, baby!) with my shoes sitting off to the side. For a few months, around two in the afternoon, a parade of junior high school kids shuffled down the sidewalk. They usually said nothing — thank heaven for small favors — but, one time, a kid grabbed one of my shoes.

I lunged toward him and reached to get it back. “Get the f*** off my shoe, kid!”

Just as I got my hand on my footwear, he pulled it to his face, took a giant whiff and said, “That smells good, man!”

He let my shoe go and walked on.

“Thank you,” I said, slack-jawed, and chuckled for the next hour or so.

More than once, I counted how many weird things happened to me during that job. Maybe two hundred. That’s two hundred stories. I made ten dollars and fifty cents an hour — and that was after two raises. I had a business I was trying to grow on the side.

Every week, I managed to scrape together $30 to fund my advertising campaigns. I was also trying — but not particularly hard — to get clients who wanted advertising copy written for their businesses.

Why am I saying all this? Because, just like with my spaghetti-eating phase, I look back on this time and I want to slap myself silly.

I was racking up all these stories…why didn’t I write about them?

I never blogged about my stories. It would have been fun, free, and I could have built up an audience. Every story could tie into a lesson about one’s spiritual path, especially the Daoist path (I’m still trying to figure out how to connect that to the retired guy asking me about sex). I could have been writing about my experiences for the past eight years.

Many times, I’ve thought about this and cringed. I regretted the lost opportunity that I just didn’t see.

Ever have regrets about a time when you could have put in just a little extra effort on a project and, as a result, could have transformed the trajectory of your life?

I thought about such regrets this morning while standing in the backyard of an Airbnb in Seaside, California, doing my daily routine of Daoist meditation. My wife and I had just attended a friend’s wedding.

As I trained, another thought popped into my head.

Would I regret not writing stories as a small child, when I was still learning how to draw the letters A, B, and C?

No.

Why not?

Because I couldn’t write stories. Scrawling out A, B, C was the best I could do. I was learning and working on the perfect things to master at that perfect moment, on a longer journey.

Was my time as a sign-spinner any different? Sure, I could berate myself with a big list of things I should have done. I could mentally roll the list into a tube and smack myself as if it were a newspaper and I’d just piddled on the carpet. But what if my time as a sign-spinner was another A, B, C time of growth?

I could hate myself for the years I spent watching hours of television every day.

I wasted time, my youth, and my health. But I learned to value time and train my body in a way that preserves my feeling of youth and health.

So, what’s the proper way to judge my past? Where are the cosmic compasses I can jab into my decision points, twist to draw circles, and measure my life’s worth? Where’s the AI-driven data-aggregator I can feed my moments of arrogance, awkwardness, and dereliction of duty, so it can produce a report of how I can best disparage myself and measure my worth. Is the AI still in development? Has the start-up behind it gone public? Maybe I can invest.

Until the tech is available as an app, I’ll stick to something provocative.

What if I thought of my life’s trajectory as perfect?

What if I thought that, like a cocooned caterpillar, I was developing perfectly for my next stage?

As I stood barefoot in the backyard of my Airbnb, bits of mulch poking between my toes and sun shining on my face and chest, I thought about timing. If I hadn’t done everything just as I had, what breakthroughs would I have later missed?

I continued my morning practice, rhythmically moving my body and feeling energy go through certain organs in my body. I thought about the three things I cherish today — my wife, the Daoist training I practice, and my (now-published and available here) book that I had been putting the finishing touches on.

What if I hadn’t gone through that multi-year rut as a sign spinner? What if I hadn’t screwed up my life before and, as a result, never needed to take that goofy job? What if I hadn’t cocooned myself in front of the television?

Maybe I wouldn’t have met my wife. Maybe I wouldn’t have met my current teachers. Maybe my book, something I’ve nurtured for the past three years, wouldn’t exist.

Now, my time parked in front of a television set didn’t seem so bad.

What if my biggest regrets today were how I avoided being alone? How I avoided getting lost on my spiritual path? What if they were how I avoided getting stuck with a career or business that drained the life out of me? What if going back and “doing things better” would be my undoing?

As I thought about this, I finished my morning practice, stood still for a minute, then stepped through the mulch to the back door. After I settled in the dining room, I wrote this article.

Think of a regret you have — a big, juicy one that makes you shake your head from the anguish you feel.

Now picture yourself as a child, giggling and drooling as you push one of your arms forward, drag a leg behind you, and make little thumps on the floor as you learn to crawl.

Would you yell at that child for not running full speed? Would you be that cruel? No? Then, why do you punish yourself for what you did — or what you didn’t do — when you were still learning and growing?

You still are learning and growing, by the way.

Now think of three things you cherish in your life, right now.

What if your deepest regrets actually helped you create what you now cherish? Let’s say you could wave a magic wand, re-write the past, and remove your regret. What if that also removed that which you cherish? Would you really want to mess with your past, Marty McFly-style? Maybe the result wouldn’t be as dramatic as making you and your siblings disappear but you might be surprised by what you’d lose.

Maybe this isn’t logical. Because of the way life’s actions ripple and crash into each other, splintering possibilities beyond what we can consciously perceive, we can never know what was best for us. Then again, is it logical to steep yourself in regret? Sure, it’s good to learn from mistakes but when we’re feeling crushed by what could have been, are we in learning mode?

When you’re not chained by regret, it’s like finally being able to push your head above the water’s surface, breathe, and see. You’re more likely to make decisions you’ll be proud of. Regret begets more regret, but gratitude also begets more gratitude. Even about our regrets.

After dropping out of college, Nate Rifkin had dedicated himself to self-help and pursuing his entrepreneurial dreams. Yet he failed to achieve any of his goals. Worse, he spiraled into debt, drank every morning, felt lonely, lost, and hated himself.A few years later – after a brutal bankruptcy and a stint spinning signs on a street corner – Nate Rifkin had quadrupled his income, married the woman of his dreams, and found happiness and contentment. He's published a book on how he did it, titled The Standing Meditation. It's now available here.

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness and fulfillment.

Nate Rifkin

Written by

Was bankrupt. Now financially free. Was depressed. Now happy and fulfilled. Was figuring out how to change his life. Now writing how he did it.

The Ascent