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Hi Everyone, It's Tim Denning from Medium and LinkedIn. Here is my most shared article this week: I Used to Be Impressed by People Who Had a Lot of Money — But Now I’m Impressed by People Who Have a Lot of Free Time A Porsche used to scream “be friends with me!” In my 20s, luxury and entrepreneur bullsh*t defined me. I chased success like a dog follows a shank bone. In my 30s, money became kind of ridiculous. A dramatic shift has occurred. The title of this story, which comes from a quote by entrepreneur Anthony Pompliano, helps to explain it. Let’s dissect the real meaning of money so you don’t fall in love with it and accidentally discover a world of broken dreams. The Idea of True Wealth Is Broken True wealth isn’t luxury, millions of followers, or a fake ass Dan Blazerian life holding guns like Rambo and collecting exotic animals that are pleading to be released to their natural homes and take a break from phone cameras. This is what true wealth looks like: A book a week Books connect you to humanity. They take you out of your head and place you in the author’s head. Most of us get zero time to read. Books are long. Time outside of work is short. Impressive people have bought their time back so they can read a book a week if they choose. A good night’s sleep Ever met angry people at work? It’s either a lack of sleep or poor diet that throws their energy down the drain. Buying your freedom back gives you the opportunity to sleep more. Eight hours is recommended. Nine hours on some days is a real luxury. Add in afternoon naps and you start to feel like a different person. Energy is a better form of wealth than money. No work on weekends Your mind needs decompression time. Time to join the dots between all of the inputs for the week so you can grow as a person. When you’re a slave to money, work tends to creep into the weekend. Your mind can’t fully disconnect, so proximity to your goals starts to fade. Weekends are for play. A clear conscience I don’t know how certain people make it through the day. I’ve worked with some businesses that simply do evil so they can make a buck. They know what they’re doing is wrong. They know they’re wrecking society for future generations. But they simply flick a switch. Prioritizing time over money has helped me gain a clear conscience. It makes day-to-day life less stressful. Less stress equals wealth. A walk with no destination Walking is better than a rushed workout at a packed gym next to your workplace, where the loud techno drowns out the potential for peace and quiet. Since I got a hearing condition called tinnitus, I’ve begun walking more. Placing one step in front of the other acts like meditation. It’s why many entrepreneurs love walking meetings. You can walk along tracks that people from hundreds of years ago set foot on. You can ponder what life was like for them. Walking is true wealth. A family who knows you Those busy startup worshippers and those high-flying executives that all chase money hide the truth: their families barely know them. They’re never there. A birthday party for their kid is an option, not a priority. They spend more time with “the business” than their family. So their business booms but their family drifts further apart. Often it ends in divorce or raising out-of-control kids. Time with family is wealth. “I’m not money obsessed. I’m freedom obsessed.” — Josh George, entrepreneur Entrepreneurs or leaders who sit in back-to-back meetings all day just aren’t cool anymore. That’s so early 2000s. The new status symbol isn’t a Lambo or a Gucci handbag. Nope. The new status is freedom. Freedom equals free time. A few months ago I cut the chain of my cubicle job. No more drama. No more politics. No more wondering who the next moron would be to throw some poor sucker under the bus and get a promotion. It’s scary at first. A day full of zero commitments. A daily routine where you actually have time to goof off and do whatever you want. Now that I’ve had a taste of a calendar with zero meetings, I’m addicted. I don’t ever want this to stop. That’s why I use whatever entrepreneurial skills I have to ensure my tiny side business stays alive. If my business dies it’s not a 9–5 job with a bad boss that scares me. No. I’m scared I’ll have to hand over the keys to my calendar again and let corporate bros in pinstripe suits waste my day because they refuse to accept what the internet has done to business — and what blockchain is about to do to traditional businesses with their heads in the clouds. Forget luxury status, “founder” and “C-level” titles, and throwing cash into the air on an Instagram Reel. Become obsessed with freedom. It will change how you work forever. You’ll stop chasing money. Anthony Pompliano is right. Time is the ultimate measure of wealth. All that impresses me now is freedom. The rest is bullsh*t. ​ – Tim Denning

Your Failure Does Not Define You

Failure  

 

 

The path to success, action, and productivity begins here.

Anshul Kumar

 

 

 

We don’t discuss failure openly, but we all experience it—every single one of us.

Failure is a part of life, and we all fail.

My apologies to you if you believe that you’ve never been unsuccessful because I believe you live a boring life. Speaking about it or going through it isn’t fun, and you may already be bringing back memories that sting.

But let's at least say it.

Our failures don’t define us, but they do.

In a sense, failure defines us. Positively!

Each failed attempt teaches a lesson. Growing from it has been great! The experiences of defeat, regret, and remorse I have gone through have equipped me to cope with such feelings.

As a result, I have become stronger, more aware, resilient, and adaptable.

Even if an effort fails, it does not mean it is worthless.

The failed Columbia mission and the Vietnam War are two such examples.

Columbia had three main objectives: launch safely into space, conduct scientific experiments, and land safely on Earth. The crew and personnel at the Houston space center attempted this. Unfortunately, a successful mission ended when the shuttle disintegrated during re-entry. Seven astronauts tragically lost their lives because the goal was not achieved.

Despite its failure, this tragedy has value, significance, and significance.

NASA had to rethink its contingency plans as a result. In addition, a careful review of NASA’s organizational structure, independent contractors, and engineering processes was required. Finally, due to congressional demands for accountability, Congress reevaluated its budgeting practices concerning space exploration. Nevertheless, the good that comes from the terrible failure is worth lauding.

Vietnam’s war was intended to prevent communism from spreading throughout the country. At the time, many believed the rest of Southeast Asia would follow Vietnam’s lead if it became communist. As a result of departure, the Communist party now controls the country. Although the conflict caused military training to advance, it also brought advancements.

Special forces taught us new tactics to fight in an environment where tanks were less effective than airstrikes. Those lessons helped us better prepare for modern warfare.

Changes such as these demonstrate the value that can gain through failure. I prefer not to have to pay such a high price for learning such lessons.

The Columbia space tragedy and the Vietnam War, both demonstrate how events perceived as failures can still have value.

My learnings during my journey.

My life will be filled with many or most supportive people. The same way they rooted for me at my new job, my friends and family will do the same as I examine new opportunities. Nothing has been said negatively about my decision to leave.

Friends can be a great party in good times and a support system in tough times, as I have always believed.

Family members and friends do not need to be proactive in showing their support to me — I am not expecting that. In general, a passive approach works well.

Be careful not to disclose your problems to everyone. Tell your problems only to people you trust. Smiles are not always accompanied by friendship. Of course, it is okay to share your details with a few people. But what is it you expect in return? Do you need emotional support or assistance?

Never tell your problems to everyone. 80% don’t care and the other 20% are glad you have them — Pablo Escobar

Final Thoughts.

Failure has made me more focused, productive, more informed, and resilient.

I would not be the person I am today had I not made the mistakes I have made. And I like who I am today.

One of my favorite sayings is, “Fall seven times, stand up eight.” It’s pretty much the first thing I told myself when I quit my job. It keeps me positive, focused and reminds me that life comes with failure, but the true failure would be staying down. Get up again!

When people first learned that I was giving up a secure, well-paying job to start a new job in a totally different field with less pay and a crazy work schedule, they thought I was a little crazy and may have been a bit skeptical. However, when they understood that I was pursuing a dream, they were incredibly supportive. I took a risk and gave up the good thing I had going for me.

As one friend put it, “I planned, I sacrificed, and I leaped.” I didn’t go into it blindly and unprepared. I was at a place in my life where I was able to take the risk.

Did you find the article interesting? Please holding down the 👏 to say “thanks” and help others find it! Also, please leave me your thoughts in the comments section.

Procrastination Isn’t About Living Your Life: It’s About Living It Without Living

3 principles from Steven Pressfield’s book helped me reduce daily resistance and boost productivity.

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Four Steps I Took to Reinvent Myself

and build my own company.

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I write on productivity, tech, and life lessons. Subscribe to our newsletter: https://tinyurl.com/fawkfukt

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5 weekend habits that will help you achieve your goals

Weekend Habits 

 

 

Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash

 

By Stephanie Vozza

While the pandemic has our days blurred, the weekend is supposed to be the time to kick back and relax. That’s critical—but you want to do so in a way where you won’t get derailed you from your goals, especially if they’re new.

By sticking to your routine over the weekend, you’re more likely to set yourself up for success in the longterm. Weekends can give you space and perspective for planning and strategizing if you take advantage of them and use them the right way.

“The weekend makes up about 30% of our week,” says Julie DeLucca-Collins, business coach and author of Confident You: Simple Habits to Live the Life You Have Imagined. “If you are not working toward your goals over the weekend, it will be much harder to realize success.”

Adopting these five habits can help you stay on track:

1. Create a plan and schedule it

Most people want to the weekend to be fun and easy, but you must be consistent with your efforts to realize your goals during the weekend, as well, says DeLucca-Collins.

“For many years, I’d tell myself to be spontaneous, but without scheduling things and understanding what’s ahead of me, I would lose flexibility,” she says. “My lack of planning was the reason I would get derailed, and I would end up doing things I didn’t anticipate.”

DeLucca-Collins recommends making a plan for the weekend, being intentional with your time. Schedule time to work on your goal. If you’re writing a book, for example, carve out an hour on Saturday and Sunday to write or to edit what you’ve already written. This way, your priorities will be at the forefront so you can do what is important to you.

2. Revisit your goals

It is essential to remind yourself of the goals you have and why they’re important. Many of us set a goal but don’t take time to revisit it to make sure we’re on track. As a result, the goal falls by the wayside.

“When you create goals, you have an idea of where you want to be and picture what it’s going to be like,” says DeLucca-Collins. “If you don’t create a plan to revisit your goals, you’ll often allow things to interfere.”

If your goal is big, set smaller milestones to give yourself a way to measure your progress. Then check in with yourself over the weekend to check how you’re doing.

3. Build in accountability

Achieving a goal takes time and perseverance. One of the best ways to stay committed is to share your goal with others.

“The American Society of Training and Development did a study on accountability and found that you have 65% of completing a goal if you commit to someone,” says DeLucca-Collins. “Choose your spouse, a reliable friend, or friends and tell them what your goal is and why it is important for you to achieve it.”

4. Think ahead

Considering your future self can be a motivator. On Fridays, ask yourself, “How do I want to feel at the end of the weekend?”

“This thought can help you generate the actions and thoughts that will help you stay on track to achieve your goals and consistently work on your habits,” says DeLucca-Collins. “Identify what are three priorities you could do to work toward your goal. Picture yourself finishing the weekend checking off the things you set out to do. This exercise can help you be more connected to the feeling of pride for self-accomplishment.”

5. Find ways to improve

Not every week will be successful, but the things that go wrong can teach you lessons that will help you recalibrate and learn, says DeLucca-Collins. Over the weekend, look back on the week to determine how it went. Then take time to identify how to change going forward.

“The more we learn from our mistakes and grow from them, the more likely we are to reach our goals,” she says. “Failure is a great teacher. Failure allows us to get hang of things. Go back and evaluate how your week went to gain traction.”

Taking control of your weekend may take a mind shift, says DeLucca-Collins. “We have a mentality that the workweek is a struggle, and we need a break to decompress,” she says. “As a result, we don’t schedule things. But all this does is allow somebody else’s schedule to take precedence. When Sunday night rolls around, you dread going back to work because you didn’t plan. Instead, use the weekend intentionally so you can stay on track with your plans.”

How to Make Your Regrets a Source of Strength | Nate Rifkin in The Ascent

Regrets 

 

Regret begets more regret, but gratitude also begets more gratitude.

 

Ever wish you could go back in time and slap yourself?

I do.

In between my first and second year of college, I languished at my mom’s house like a lump of Jell-O that refused to even wiggle.

Three days per week, I lifted weights at a nearby gym. Every evening, I boiled some spaghetti, dumped it on a plate without tomato sauce or cheese, retreated to my older brother’s former bedroom (because it still had a television), and watched a line-up of The Simpsons, Seinfeld, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and some other shows mixed in between. On weekends, I anguished over what I’d watch without the usual weekday lineup and usually found some mediocre movie.

Why was I wasting my life?

I told myself I was waiting. My goal was to create how-to products about fitness and weight training. First, I decided, I had to get more muscular, which could take a few years, but I had the time. As I waited for my muscles to grow, I figured I didn’t have anything to do but work out, eat plain spaghetti, and wait.

My pasta routine didn’t produce the glamorous body I was anticipating. Years later, I’d think about the wasted potential — the wasted time — and wish I could go back to slap myself silly and awaken some semblance of sensibility.

For most of my late-twenties, I worked as a sign-spinner and stood on the corner of the street in front of a store, waving a sign.

Usually, I wore a smock that looked like a big $100 bill. It got so soaked and caked with exhaust fumes, sweat, and grime that it turned grey, peppered with questionable splotches of black. It looked like a billfold that had been shoved through too many vending machines, waved around at too many strip clubs, and rolled into too many straws for snorting coke.

Once, as I waved my sign wearing the nasty smock, a car rolled by and a woman shouted from inside, “You need to clean your uniform!”

I looked down. She was right. During my break, I said we needed a new smock and, the next morning, someone brought over a fresh one. As I pulled it out of the packaging, I marveled at its sheen, the subtle shades of green, and the detail of Ben Franklin’s face.

I strode outside, proud to look like a hundred bucks. The same car rolled by again. The woman looked at me and gave a thumbs-up.

I didn’t always wear the smock. During the holiday season, I wore a Santa Claus outfit.

One day, a woman with a missing tooth walked by and said, “Do you have any idea how many women want to sit on your lap?”

“How many?” I asked.

“A lot!”

Maybe some guys did too. One man in his sixties slinked beside me near the end of my shift and, as he darted glances back and forth, said, “Just about ready to go in?”

“Yup,” I said.

He said, “We’ve, uh, gotten to know each other pretty well, you know?” (We’d had one exchange a few days before.)

“Uh I guess so.”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure,” I said.

“What do you think of sex?” He gestured his hands out, palms up — the kind of motion someone would say while exclaiming picture this.

I had no idea how to respond so I said, “Could you be more specific?”

“Well…”

Our short conversation ended with him moseying onward up the street.

One more story:

I often did my sign-spinning barefoot (earthing, baby!) with my shoes sitting off to the side. For a few months, around two in the afternoon, a parade of junior high school kids shuffled down the sidewalk. They usually said nothing — thank heaven for small favors — but, one time, a kid grabbed one of my shoes.

I lunged toward him and reached to get it back. “Get the f*** off my shoe, kid!”

Just as I got my hand on my footwear, he pulled it to his face, took a giant whiff and said, “That smells good, man!”

He let my shoe go and walked on.

“Thank you,” I said, slack-jawed, and chuckled for the next hour or so.

More than once, I counted how many weird things happened to me during that job. Maybe two hundred. That’s two hundred stories. I made ten dollars and fifty cents an hour — and that was after two raises. I had a business I was trying to grow on the side.

Every week, I managed to scrape together $30 to fund my advertising campaigns. I was also trying — but not particularly hard — to get clients who wanted advertising copy written for their businesses.

Why am I saying all this? Because, just like with my spaghetti-eating phase, I look back on this time and I want to slap myself silly.

I was racking up all these stories…why didn’t I write about them?

I never blogged about my stories. It would have been fun, free, and I could have built up an audience. Every story could tie into a lesson about one’s spiritual path, especially the Daoist path (I’m still trying to figure out how to connect that to the retired guy asking me about sex). I could have been writing about my experiences for the past eight years.

Many times, I’ve thought about this and cringed. I regretted the lost opportunity that I just didn’t see.

Ever have regrets about a time when you could have put in just a little extra effort on a project and, as a result, could have transformed the trajectory of your life?

I thought about such regrets this morning while standing in the backyard of an Airbnb in Seaside, California, doing my daily routine of Daoist meditation. My wife and I had just attended a friend’s wedding.

As I trained, another thought popped into my head.

Would I regret not writing stories as a small child, when I was still learning how to draw the letters A, B, and C?

No.

Why not?

Because I couldn’t write stories. Scrawling out A, B, C was the best I could do. I was learning and working on the perfect things to master at that perfect moment, on a longer journey.

Was my time as a sign-spinner any different? Sure, I could berate myself with a big list of things I should have done. I could mentally roll the list into a tube and smack myself as if it were a newspaper and I’d just piddled on the carpet. But what if my time as a sign-spinner was another A, B, C time of growth?

I could hate myself for the years I spent watching hours of television every day.

I wasted time, my youth, and my health. But I learned to value time and train my body in a way that preserves my feeling of youth and health.

So, what’s the proper way to judge my past? Where are the cosmic compasses I can jab into my decision points, twist to draw circles, and measure my life’s worth? Where’s the AI-driven data-aggregator I can feed my moments of arrogance, awkwardness, and dereliction of duty, so it can produce a report of how I can best disparage myself and measure my worth. Is the AI still in development? Has the start-up behind it gone public? Maybe I can invest.

Until the tech is available as an app, I’ll stick to something provocative.

What if I thought of my life’s trajectory as perfect?

What if I thought that, like a cocooned caterpillar, I was developing perfectly for my next stage?

As I stood barefoot in the backyard of my Airbnb, bits of mulch poking between my toes and sun shining on my face and chest, I thought about timing. If I hadn’t done everything just as I had, what breakthroughs would I have later missed?

I continued my morning practice, rhythmically moving my body and feeling energy go through certain organs in my body. I thought about the three things I cherish today — my wife, the Daoist training I practice, and my (now-published and available here) book that I had been putting the finishing touches on.

What if I hadn’t gone through that multi-year rut as a sign spinner? What if I hadn’t screwed up my life before and, as a result, never needed to take that goofy job? What if I hadn’t cocooned myself in front of the television?

Maybe I wouldn’t have met my wife. Maybe I wouldn’t have met my current teachers. Maybe my book, something I’ve nurtured for the past three years, wouldn’t exist.

Now, my time parked in front of a television set didn’t seem so bad.

What if my biggest regrets today were how I avoided being alone? How I avoided getting lost on my spiritual path? What if they were how I avoided getting stuck with a career or business that drained the life out of me? What if going back and “doing things better” would be my undoing?

As I thought about this, I finished my morning practice, stood still for a minute, then stepped through the mulch to the back door. After I settled in the dining room, I wrote this article.

Think of a regret you have — a big, juicy one that makes you shake your head from the anguish you feel.

Now picture yourself as a child, giggling and drooling as you push one of your arms forward, drag a leg behind you, and make little thumps on the floor as you learn to crawl.

Would you yell at that child for not running full speed? Would you be that cruel? No? Then, why do you punish yourself for what you did — or what you didn’t do — when you were still learning and growing?

You still are learning and growing, by the way.

Now think of three things you cherish in your life, right now.

What if your deepest regrets actually helped you create what you now cherish? Let’s say you could wave a magic wand, re-write the past, and remove your regret. What if that also removed that which you cherish? Would you really want to mess with your past, Marty McFly-style? Maybe the result wouldn’t be as dramatic as making you and your siblings disappear but you might be surprised by what you’d lose.

Maybe this isn’t logical. Because of the way life’s actions ripple and crash into each other, splintering possibilities beyond what we can consciously perceive, we can never know what was best for us. Then again, is it logical to steep yourself in regret? Sure, it’s good to learn from mistakes but when we’re feeling crushed by what could have been, are we in learning mode?

When you’re not chained by regret, it’s like finally being able to push your head above the water’s surface, breathe, and see. You’re more likely to make decisions you’ll be proud of. Regret begets more regret, but gratitude also begets more gratitude. Even about our regrets.

After dropping out of college, Nate Rifkin had dedicated himself to self-help and pursuing his entrepreneurial dreams. Yet he failed to achieve any of his goals. Worse, he spiraled into debt, drank every morning, felt lonely, lost, and hated himself.A few years later – after a brutal bankruptcy and a stint spinning signs on a street corner – Nate Rifkin had quadrupled his income, married the woman of his dreams, and found happiness and contentment. He's published a book on how he did it, titled The Standing Meditation. It's now available here.

The Ascent

A community of storytellers documenting the journey to happiness and fulfillment.

• Personal Development
• Personal Growth
• Self Improvement
• Self-awareness
• Improvement

Written by

Nate Rifkin

Was bankrupt. Now financially free. Was depressed. Now happy and fulfilled. Was figuring out how to change his life. Now writing how he did it.

Want To Be Happier and More Successful? Learn To Like Other People

Happy and Successful 

 

Research suggests that the best self-help advice may have very little to do with yourself.

Fast Company

• David Mayer

 

 

Photo by Naassom Azevedo on Unsplash

Self-help advice isn’t exactly in short supply. There are research-backed tips out there for boosting confidence, resilience, risk taking, and adaptability. The message is pretty clear: Feel better about yourself or change your beliefs about what you’re capable of, and you’ll excel. Indeed, ample scientific evidence supports each of these claims.

Nevertheless, most self-improvement strategies focus too much on the person who’s trying to do the improving. Much of the time, the same outcomes you’re trying to achieve by changing your own habits, attitudes, and behaviors depend on how you view other people.

It sounds paradoxical, but according to University of Georgia researcher Jason Colquitt and his colleagues, people who tend to trust others at work score higher on a range of measure than those who don’t, from job performance to commitment to the team. And since we know that it’s our relationships—particularly with our bosses and colleagues—that determine how happy and successful we are as our careers progress, it may be worth asking some new questions. Instead of, “How can I improve?” the better question might be, “How can I start seeing more of the good in people, more often?”

Why The Benefit Of The Doubt Is So Hard To Give

It can be difficult to believe that others generally have the best intentions; that just isn’t many people’s default assumption. We’re socialized from a young age to be critical of others’ motives, if not downright suspicious. Parents tell their children for their own protection to beware of strangers. And it’s not hard to find evidence in daily life that expressions like “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” has some truth to it. In an era of fake news, taking anything at face value seems potentially foolhardy.

But these societal impulses may actually arise from deeper cognitive ones. Negative past events loom larger in our memories than positive experiences. As psychologist Roy Baumeister famously put it, “Bad is stronger than good.” This makes adaptive sense: To survive in a treacherous environment (especially social ones), early humans needed to recall the times their trust was ill-placed, when they were betrayed or misled and wound up getting hurt. By comparison, all the times when their trust led to good outcomes weren’t as critical to hang onto.

In addition, people have an unyielding desire to see themselves in a positive light. This can cause us to develop less favorable views of others. Research shows that we tend to think we’re better than average at almost everything, meaning that others are worse—including less trustworthy. As part of this process, Stanford behavioral scientist Chip Heath found that we tend to think our own motivations are intrinsic (“I work hard because I love my job”) whereas others’ are extrinsic (“They work hard only because they’re getting paid to do so”).

Finally, while research on optimism—including assuming the best of others—almost universally shows its benefits for success and satisfaction in both work and life, people tend to fear being seen as an unrealistic “Pollyanna.” Just think of how many words there are in English to describe the experience of too-readily trusting others: gullible, ingenuous, credulous, unwary; imbecile, dimwit, stooge, dunderhead, idiot, fool; beguiled, duped, tricked, betrayed, fleeced, deceived, defrauded, double-crossed, deluded, swindled, conned, rooked, cozened, hoodwinked, bamboozled, flimflammed . . . you get the idea.

Research suggests when we perceive someone as innocent and nice, we tend to view them as less competent, a label we ourselves avoid at all costs. As the novelist Laurell K. Hamilton has said, “Never trust people who smile constantly, they’re either selling something or not very bright.”

The Self-Help Approach That’s Not About You

To be sure, there are risks to assuming the best in others, but the benefits may far outweigh the potential costs, especially in the workplace.

Conflict is a difficult but often inevitable part of our work lives. According to Harvard Business School professor Chris Argyris, a top cause of workplace discord is the “ladder of inference” (basically what he sees as a more precise metaphor than “jumping to conclusions”). Climbing up the ladder means that a person takes in neutral information but assumes bad intentions, which results in less favorable beliefs and bad behavior.

For example, when you receive an ambiguous email from a coworker you have a turbulent relationship with, you’re more likely than not to react defensively. In fact, there’s research to suggest that we interpret all emails more negatively than their writer meant them to be. So perhaps it’s no surprise that PepsiCo CEO Indra Nooyi says the best piece of career advice she’s ever gotten is “assume positive intent.”

One of the biggest opportunities for growth at work comes from the way you solicit feedback and what you do with it afterward. Research demonstrates that while employees who speak up tend to improve how well teams function, many tend to be afraid to do so, worrying that their input won’t be well-received. Simply assuming the best in others can lay the foundation for managers and their team members alike to learn and improve without wounding egos.

It’s also no secret that the ability to influence others is a crucial job skill. Research shows that when we think others are capable of changing their attitudes, we’re more likely to advance our own views. But when we think others’ beliefs are fixed, we don’t try too hard to persuade them—what would be the point? This can have personal costs, though, since it limits our own potential sphere of influence.

And that, in turn, creates a self-fulfilling prophecy: Assume the worst in other people, and they’ll prove it every time (“confirmation bias,” anyone?), closing off one opportunity after the next to shore up those crucial relationships that your own happiness and success depend on. Sure, self-help books are a great way to better your work life. But their typical focus on you may have the unintended result of limiting your ability to wring more value out of the social world around you, which is teeming with people, while you’re just one of them.

David Mayer is associate professor of management and organizations at the University of Michigan's Stephen M. Ross School of Business.

How to Set (and Reach) Goals in Wildly Unpredictable Times

Goals 

 

Statistically speaking, most resolutions died this week. Should you give up on goals? No, just change how you pursue them.

 Photo by Adeolu Eletu on Unsplash

By Jessica Stillman@EntryLevelRebel

The third week of January, surveys tell us, is when most New Year's resolutions die, and I'm betting the killing fields are particularly bloody this year. 

America may have a new president and the world a handful of effective vaccines, but while hope is on the horizon, it's a safe bet that 2021 will still be wild. Unpredictability makes resolutions even harder to keep.  

Given that none of us know what the next months will throw at us, should you even try to set goals for yourself and your business? Should you adjust your usual strategy for reaching them? When I went searching for answers to these questions, I discovered that while experts don't agree on every particular, they all say unpredictable times call for a different approach to goals. 

What's your why now? 

Wake-Up Call: 'Commitment Will Always Beat Out Talent'

Simon Sinek famously advises that if you want to motivate yourself and others, start with why. When people understand the reason behind a goal, they're far more likely to stick with it. That is clearly good advice both before and during a pandemic. But it's also worth noting that crazy times often lead people to focus on a different why.

You may have experienced this yourself. Maybe a treasured goal you'd been working steadily toward before the virus struck no longer seems so relevant. Or maybe you've noticed your social media feeds filling up with friends who have reconsidered their lives while in lockdown and are moving to be closer to relatives or shifting gears professionally. 

These aren't just random anecdotes. Psychologists have identified something called the Michelangelo effect, which suggests that when we're forced to confront a crisis, our true, deeper desires and truest personality begin to be revealed. Covid is chipping away at your exterior and, hopefully, revealing the David within. 

So if you've been noticing your goals are shifting, it's not just you. One survey of goals from a to-do list app, for instance, noted a big upsurge in goals related to family and relationships, for instance. And if you want to actually stick with your goals through the wildness to come, don't fight these changes. You're not going to find yourself very motivated if you're actually chasing the goals of someone else or even an out-of-date version of yourself. 

Focus on process, not result.

Even before the world turned insane, goal-setting was dangerous. Sure targets can motivate, but failing to meet milestones you've set for yourself can cause you to lose confidence and give up entirely. That's particularly dangerous in 2021 when, thanks to some new upheaval, it's entirely possible to miss your sales target or fitness goals through no fault of your own. 

The solution is to focus less on your long-term aim, which isn't within your control, and more on process, which is. So instead of "I'm going to lose 20 pounds this year," you might go with "I'm going to exercise for 30 minutes a day, four times a week." Instead of committing to saving X dollars by the end of the year, you could set a tiny amount each day and add to that when you can. 

"In my experience, a better way to approach your goals is to set a schedule to operate by rather than a deadline to perform by," Atomic Habits author James Clear advised years before anyone knew what "flatten the curve" meant. It's even better advice now. 

One "category of goal that is completely within your control is 'process' goals, or focusing on standardized routines that will help lead to the results that you want in life," agrees time management expert Elizabeth Grace Saunders, who offered this example in Fast Company: "A profession-specific process goal would be for a salesperson to have a goal to follow up on a certain amount of leads each week. You can't guarantee sales, but you can choose to practice consistency in a measured process that can lead to the outcomes you desire."

The bottom line is that goals are always hard, and they're even harder when we're in the middle of a period of global upheaval. That doesn't mean you should drift through your days (seriously, that's a very bad idea). Instead, it means you have to dig deeper into the why and how of what you want to do, and be a lot less focused on hitting a grandiose final goal by a certain far off date. Good luck. 

Inc. helps entrepreneurs change the world. Get the advice you need to start, grow, and lead your business today. Subscribe here for unlimited access.

 

Jan 22, 2021

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

 

 

 

15 Proactive Habits That Will Lead to Huge Results in 2021

Change the way you work 

 

  Image:  Zac Durant

2020 has been a tough year. Everyone is starting to wind down.

If you want 2021 to be better, you will have to make it better yourself. You can prepare yourself for a calmer year ahead by taking control of everything within your power. You can build better life-changing habits.

William James once said, “All our life, so far as it has definite form, is but a mass of habits — practical, emotional, and intellectual — systematically organized for our weal or woe, and bearing us irresistibly toward our destiny, whatever the latter may be.” Make 2021 the year of better habits.

Here are a few simple but effective ways you can start the year better. They are opportunity areas you can explore to improve every area of your life. Or better still, simple but proactive habits you can build that will allow your end goals to manifest themselves.

In 2021, don’t bite off more than you can chew — Setting ambitious and unrealistic goals you can’t achieve is a great way to overwhelm yourself.

When we make tiny changes we can wire in positive behaviours over time. Within two months or so, a new behaviour ­can become automatic; a new habit that can be the start of a big change.

Make fewer assumptions — Forget 2020. In 2021, don’t assume things will get worse(that mindset puts you in an anxious mode all the time). Carry a different tone into the new year. Be open to new possibilities about life. Remain flexible and willing to adapt to thrive.

In a rapidly changing world, the ability to change your mind or adapt is an indispensable skill. If you don’t give yourself permission to change your mind, you cannot change anything in your life.

Hold yourself accountable — Take 100% responsibility for your actions and happiness. Life instantly improves when you focus on what you can control.

End your week holding a five-minute meeting with yourself and review what’s working and everything making you miserable. And do more of what works.

Structure each day and follow a meaningful routine — High achievers swear by routines. It’s the only way to get things done. Structure your day right, do more high-value tasks that deliver 80% of the results you want.

Don’t allow your expectations to run your life — Don’t take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you. Plan and manage what is in your control, like what makes you happy and how you react to events and situations. Let go of how things “should be”, and focus on how things are.

Notice your small wins — Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Whatever you are pursuing may take a considerable amount of time. So enjoy your progress, notice but don’t dwell on your failures and take time to recognize what you are doing right.

Learn to completely switch off from work — Disengaging from work, email and your phone for at least an hour prior to bed can do wonders for your mind. It’s one of the best ways to take good breaks from work and recharge for the next day.

Build an evening routine that can help you wind down — Put some thought into activities in the evening that can help you rest better. You could read a great book, review your day in a journal, spend quality time with your family.

Take your sleep disorder seriously — If you’ve not been sleeping well, change your habits. Cut caffeine at midday. Dine a little earlier. Reduce the brightness on your tv, phone or iPad an hour or two before bed.

Plan breaks in between deep work sessions — So many of us are chained to our desks every day. Aim to get up every 45 minutes or so a habit. It will keep you you moving and refresh your brain.

Make any change one step at a time — Want to start writing? write 500 words instead of 1000. Want to build an active reading habit? Start with 2 pages every day. Want to lose weight? Eat from a smaller plate. Addicted to your phone? Leave it in ­another room. Want to get fit? Take the stairs.

“Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort, almost any habit can be reshaped, says Charles Duhigg.

If you want to start a fitness habit, start small — 30 minutes intense exercise may not be sustainable. Start with 5 minutes stretches in the morning. Do 15 push-ups or 15 squats instead of 50. Climb some stairs, or do some lunges for 5 minutes. Every little bit really does help. It’s hard to make a big change at once. Small increments are helpful.

Sneak calming activities into your busy day — If you are busy and live by your calendar, put times in the schedule when you can focus on things that can help you take a break to calm your active mind. You could plan 10 minutes walks, 30 minutes reading or nap time to decompress.

Make time to read — Seriously. It’s one of the best things you can do for your brain. A stimulated mind = a stimulated life. Read great books that can help you to think in new ways.

Diversify your skill portfolio (before you need it). It’s important to ensure that you aren’t putting all of your eggs in one basket. Learning new and indispensable skills can improve your chances of work. Don’t allow everything to hinge on one skill. By all means, become a polymath.

Changing direction in 2021 will require developing better daily habits. Fulfilment and contentment are completely within your control. So, cultivate those habits that help you enjoy life to the fullest.

Written by

Thomas Oppong

Founder @AllTopStartups | Featured at Forbes, Business Insider, etc. | Join my personal newsletter for life and career tools at https://postanly.substack.com