Photo by: Chris Lawton
Well, I got here in the end. I’m not anxious anymore. I’m making enough money writing to travel long term, and I can cope with pretty much anything that comes my way. I’m, well, pretty happy.
I wasn’t always. A decade of self-help was massively instrumental in getting me here. I’m listing the amazing books that helped the most. I hope they help you as much as they helped me.
1: On Fire: The 7 Choices to Ignite a Radically Inspired Life
On Fire was written by John O’ Leary, a survivor of a fire when he was 9 years old that burned his entire body — 87% of which was third-degree burns. If there’s anyone who’s truly lived and overcome, it’s John O’ Leary.
On Fire works so well because it creates an urgency to change your life, and if there’s anyone who knows what urgency feels like, it’s someone who’s literally been on fire. He teaches us that even though we can’t choose what gets thrown at us, we can always choose about how we respond. It’s a book about pushing life and appreciating life, from the powerful perspective of someone who very nearly lost theirs.
John O’ Leary is a perfect example of Post Traumatic Growth, the way people can sometimes take deep trauma and propel themselves to new heights. He’s an example of whatever you’re going through, the best can always be yet to come.
“You can’t always choose the path that you walk in life, but you can always choose the manner in which you walk it.” — John O’ Leary, On Fire
But the amazing thing about On Fire is the perspective from where it all comes. It’s hard to read it and come up with excuses when you compare your excuses to someone who was once a child burning to death. It truly makes for a life-changing, emotional and powerful read, one that I’ll revisit time and time again — especially whenever I start to think I have things bad.
Key teachings
- The amount of gratitude you feel is the number one indicator of how much joy you will feel in life.
- You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose your response.
- Things change. Clinging on to the old does nothing good. Accept and move on with the new reality, even if you don’t want to.
- Everything we do matters, nothing is too small to matter.
- Let go of fear and live from a place of unconditional love.
2: The Happiness Advantage
The Happiness Advantage comes with a core message about happiness and success: It’s not that success brings happiness as much as it’s the other way around. Happiness brings success.
Author Shawn Achor guides you through 7 principles in positive psychology that lead not only to happiness, but also to the life you want. It’s a huge perspective switch to the common idea that we can be happy when we’re successful. Success won’t bring happiness after all. Become happy, and success will follow. It’s all research-backed and the author has worked with people from Fortune 500 to the Pentagon. He knows his stuff. And he’s funny, too.
“Constantly scanning the world for the negative comes with a great cost. It undercuts our creativity, raises our stress levels, and lowers our motivation and ability to accomplish goals.” — Shawn Achor, the Happiness Advantage
He explains how a negative outlook on the world affects everything you do, and by changing that to the positive, it brings positivity into everything you do. It’s hard to find success when you’re still bringing the negative.
Key teachings
- We reach success because we’re happy, not the other way round.
- Happiness is not just a mood — it’s a work ethic.
- If we make it easy to do the right things and hard to do the wrong thing, success gets easier.
- Small, manageable chunks of improvement are best.
- A negative outlook is a habit, and habits can be broken.
3: The Slight Edge
The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson also looks at making small, incremental improvements, but in this case, that’s pretty much all it talks about. And it works. It really works.
The premise is that every single action, however small, is important. It’s either moving you towards your goal or away from it. Over time, these things will all mount up, and a little over a long time becomes a lot. This has been hugely impactful in my life and I’ve written about some of the uses before in places like productivity and happiness.
“Successful people do whatever it takes to get the job done, whether or not they feel like it.” Jeff Olsen, the Slight Edge.
It’s a very simple premise. Bit by bit. Every single day. Then you’ll get to where you want to be. That’s what gives you the edge. The Slight Edge.
Key teachings
- Attempting to do just a little is more likely to get you started than starting with the whole task in mind.
- A little bit every single day will get you to your destination. All progress is progress.
- Even just a little bit the wrong way is still the wrong way. Just a little bit the wrong way will still eventually get you to the wrong place.
4: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
This one was huge for me. It turned my whole perspective on what it meant to make quality work. It does so by a huge, long, philosophical dive into the very definition of the word quality, whilst on a long trek and having to fix his motorbike along the way. It’s as entertaining as it is life-changing.
So, what is quality? Everyone knows it when they see it, even if it can be subjective. But what is it? How can it be put into words?
I’m actually going to suggest you skip this section and read the whole book, because, you know, spoilers. But if you want to know now, here’s what he says about quality.
“The place to improve the world is first in one’s own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Quality isn’t in the produced piece of work. It happens at the point where the creator meets the created. So if you want to create something of quality, you have to have that quality within you. The takeaway here is to work on yourself, and bring yourself to your work. Quality can’t exist without a creator, and that creator needs to bring the quality.
Key teachings
- To create quality work, work on yourself so you can bring that quality from yourself to the thing you’re creating. That’s where quality comes from.
- This is not an easy read but you can take so much from it about more than just quality — life, philosophy, relationships, and even motorbikes.
5: Man’s Search for Meaning
Holocaust survivor and Logotherapy creator Viktor Frankl wrote his book before and during the camps in WW2, but had it taken away by the camp guards. He made it his mission in life to finish the book after the war, and his experiences in the camps became a huge part of his classic book.
This is a book of two halves, one largely accounts of his Holocaust experiences, and the other getting into Logotherapy and how that can help you. One draws from the experience of the other.
An observation of Frankl’s in the camps was of the different ways the prisoners responded to the horrific conditions. Some sided with the Nazis for self-preservation and then became just as, if not more brutal than the guards. Some gave up on life and died before they reached the gas chambers. Some made it through, even with new purpose and insights. The book is about the ways one experience can affect people differently, and how that can be applied in therapy or improving your life.
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” — Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
The concept, as the title implies, largely revolves around meaning. If we have meaning in our lives, we’ll be ok, or even happy. Frankl had meaning throughout because he was going to write his book. Those with nothing were more likely to never make it through. It’s a fascinating, insightful, and sometimes horrifying read about human nature.
Key teachings
- Life is about purpose and meaning. If we have that, we can get through almost any situation.
- If we know why we want to do something, the how will be bearable.
- If we can’t change a situation, we can change ourselves.
6: The Chimp Paradox
This psychology book explains in very clear and actionable ways about how our brains work, and not always in our own interest. Because, basically, sometimes they behave like a chimp. It looks at things like laziness, overeating, self-control and procrastination.
The book splits out minds into parts — the chimp and the human. Our chimps are based in the very old parts of our brains and they’re only to help us survive. Our humans, meanwhile, are more modern and want us to thrive. The problem is that they don’t always agree — and the chimp is always stronger. A third part is the computer — which is our habits. If we program our computer properly, it can bypass our naughty chimps.
Our chimp brains are impulsive and short term thinkers. That’s what reaches for the fifth cookie when our humans know we’re full. They’re the angry thoughts that make no logical sense but still get us emotional. That’s all the chimp. The idea of The Chimp Paradox is that we can deal with this naughty chimp by either distracting or boxing it.
“Managing your impulsive, emotional Chimp as an adult will be one of the biggest factors determining how successful you are in life.” — Steve Peters, the Chimp Paradox
For example, if it’s about to reach for that cookie — distract it with a task and do something else. But if that doesn’t work, it may be because the chimp is frightened, angry or sad, and needs to be boxed. Boxing it means to allow it to say what it needs to say, however illogical, either to a friend or by writing it down. When it’s tired, you can put it in a box and get it under control.
A great pairing for this book is Thinking Fast And Slow by Daniel Kahneman which also splits the mind up in a similar way and can help clarify and cement the ideas in The Chimp Paradox.
Key teachings
- You are not your feelings.
- Your feelings tell you how you could act, but they’re just a suggestion.
- Set goals that can’t be affected by external factors.
- Your feelings may come from an outdated part of your brain and though they’re strong, if you let them vent, then you can look more logically at things.
7: Antifragile
Antifragile is written by author Nassim Taleb, the man who coined the term Black Swan for unpredictable huge events like the stock market crash and 9/11. In Antifragile, Taleb turns his attention to the concept of fragility, or more accurately, the opposite of fragile.
English doesn’t have a word for the opposite of fragile. The best we have is sturdy, but that’s not a true opposite. If something is fragile because it’s damaged by stressors, then antifragile, the opposite, must be something that gains from stress. An example is a human muscle. Work it too hard and it grows stronger to compensate.
People don’t tend to use the idea of antifragility in life. They try to remain sturdy and robust to protect themselves, but rarely do we set ourselves up to grow better should everything go wrong.
“Difficulty is what wakes up the genius” — Nassim Taleb
One of the many examples he uses is in investing, suggesting we invest around 85% in super-safe assets, and the other 15% in high risk and high reward areas. That way the most we can lose is that 15%, but if things go a bit crazy and then things get shaken up, that 15% can grow hugely. It happened in 2020 during the pandemic with Bitcoin.
Key teachings
- Fragile items break from stress, the antifragile gets better.
- Seeking to be robust or sturdy isn’t the best way, we should be looking to grow when things go wrong.
- Being efficient isn’t the best way. Hyper-efficiency is a fragile way to do things because there’s no room for manoeuvre.
- Barbell your investments with 85% super safe and 15% with high reward possibilities, and nothing in the middle, like a barbell.
Bonus: Psychedelic Psychotherapy
I’m throwing this one in as a bonus because it’s not a book that will change your life unless you read it, understand it, buy some largely illegal drugs, and follow it through. However, it deserves inclusion because I did just that - and it truly changed my life.
If I hadn’t spent the previous decade reading other books like the ones on that list, I don’t think the psychedelic healing would have gone so smoothly. So don’t just dive in with some LSD and one book. But if the idea is appealing to you, it’s the simplest manual for drug-assisted healing you’ll find. It’s by R. Coleman, should you wish to find it.
Key teachings
- LSD is great for cutting through denial and investigating your core beliefs and values.
- Magic mushrooms are great healers and teachers, but not very targeted and you’ll have to work to their agenda, not yours.
- MDMA is the easiest drug to start with and good for trauma. It can also take the edge off a bad experience with the others.
- Find an appropriate kind, patient and understanding person to sit with you.
If you go down this route, do a lot more research than this one article. Be vigilant with safe drugs, have an honest mindset and a peaceful setting.
Remember
These books between them had a huge effect on my life. I’m a very different, better person now than when I was when I picked up the first one.
But self-help books should always come with a caveat: there is always the danger that they can be used as a pretense for changing when nothing really is. You can read all of these and get the feeling that you’re making amazing progress – but unless you commit to taking action, it’s just an illusion.
But if you do read them and put them into practice, your life may never be the same again.
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