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Centuries ago, Michel de Montaigne said, “My life
has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened.”
His profound statement still proves true today. In fact, there are studies that prove that a greater percentage of the things we worry about never actually happen.
What if it doesn’t work out? What if I fail? Do any
of these questions sound familiar to you? You’re not alone. Many people
spend a lot of time worrying — worrying that everything they do is
unsatisfactory, and worrying that others are so much better than them.
Others worry about letting other people down, that other people are
upset with them, and that other people are unhappy.
Constant worrying, negative thinking, and always
expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical
health.
Whether it’s a job interview, an upcoming
presentation, or an important meeting, 38% of us are worried about
something every day, according to the “Worry Less Report” by Liberty
Mutual Insurance.
A survey
of 2,000 millennials also showed that the average respondent spent the
equivalent of 63 full days a year worried and stressed out. That’s like
two months lost to worry. The ultra-bestselling American pop
psychologist Wayne Dyer calls worry a “useless emotion”.
Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of
life. But you consistently question your commitments and
responsibilities and your contribution to the various aspects of your
life, you should take steps to worry less.
Worrying less can be helpful and productive —when
managed it can propel us into action and prevent procrastination.
Worrying can be productive, but not if it’s keeping
from living your best life. Some people actively worry about a lot of
things — filling up their heads with disastrous scenarios that will
never play out. They magnify catastrophe in their minds. Worry overwhelm
them so much that it keeps them from actually doing anything about it.
“Worry is part of human nature,” says Robert Leahy, a
New York-based clinical psychologist and associate editor of the International Journal of Cognitive Therapy.
“For some people, though, worry gets to be overwhelming,” Leahy says.
“People who worry a lot tend to become depressed; you can worry yourself
into this negative outlook on life.”
Most people spend a lot of time worrying about
money, health, work, family, and more. They worry about what might
happen if things don’t go exactly to plan. No matter what kind of worry
you have, the response in your body is always the same: It increases
your stress levels.
According to a new study
published in the ScienceDirect, found that many of the worries that
occupy an anxious mind never come to fruition. “91.4% of worries did not
come true for those with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD)”, the
authors highlighted.
Worry robs us of our happiness and causes needless
negativity. When you’re stuck in your head, worrying, you are missing
out on life. Missing out on friends, opportunities and all the good
stuff in the world.
“One of the most tragic things I know about human
nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of
some magical rose garden over the horizon — instead of enjoying the
roses that are blooming outside our windows today” says Dale Carnegie,
in his book, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.
Much our anxiety today is down to worrying about
things that may never happen, or things we have literally no amount of
control over. Of course, if you can control it, do something about it,
but either way, you shouldn’t worry unnecessarily if they never happen.
How much worry is it really worth? At what point do
we need to stop worrying and accept the situation as it is? What if
there was a way to stop worrying (or at least stop worrying so much)?
1. Find Your Stop-Loss Point — Give Worry a Limitation
Stop-loss is a strategy used in stock trading to exit a trade — the investor sets a stop-loss on each trade at a price level at which they wish to exit what has become a losing trade.
The general idea behind the stop-loss strategy is to
determine how much things you are worried about are worth to you, and
how much psychological turmoil you’re willing to endure for their sake.
And what point you stop wasting mental energy on them.
When you find yourself in a cycle of worry and
anxiety, stop and ask where your stop-loss point is, i.e. at what point
do you stop worrying and let it go?
By giving every worry a limitation, you’re not
allowing it to control you but you become mindful about everything
occupying your mind and choose to focus on other things instead of
digging deeper. It’s one way to retrain your brain to worry less and
worry smarter.
2. Acknowledge your worries, and get them out of your head by writing them down
Worrying rarely leads to solutions. Instead of
worrying about everything that can go wrong, write away your worries. By
writing down your worries, you feel as though you’re emptying your
brain, and you feel lighter and less tense.
Take time to acknowledge your worries and write them
down. Explore the roots of your worries or problems. Once you know the
most important things you worry about, ask yourself if your worries are
solvable. If they are not in your control and there is nothing you can
possibly do to change them, focus on those you can do solve or change.
“Get everything out and don’t hold back,” says lead
author of the “Worry Less Report”, Hans Schroder (PhD in Clinical
Psychology, Michigan State University). “You don’t have to share your
thoughts with anyone, and don’t worry about spelling and grammar.
Getting worries out of your head through expressive writing frees up
cognitive resources for other things,” he adds.
3. Shift Your Worry From the Long-Term Problems to Daily Routines/Actions That Will Solve the Problems
Be pragmatic, and proactive about things in your control.
Once you list your worries, identify actions you can
take in the short-term to solve the problems and start executing daily,
weekly or monthly.
Do one thing every day that brings you closer to
solving your perceived problem. Work toward improving the worst-case
scenario, which you have already accepted in your mind
This process focuses on taking action about things
in your control. It forces you to find solutions to your perceived
problems.
Write down how you will deal with them even if they
happen. Think of a solution for all your perceived problems. For
example, if your financial situation makes you anxious, you need to
create a plan to earn more or spend less or invest some of your savings
in low-risk investment opportunities.
Or instead of worrying about your weight, focus on
healthy dinner options that can help you lose the weight. Instead of
worrying about your long-term health, focus on taking a walk each day.
4. Interrupt the Worry Cycle
If you worry excessively, find productive activities
that can easily distract your thought process. Keep busy. Get up and
get moving — exercise is a natural way to break the cycle because it
releases endorphins which relieve tension and stress, boost energy, and
enhance your sense of well-being.
You can also distract yourself by doing something
completely unrelated and different that forces you to focus on something
else. This is most effective if you choose an activity you deeply care
about such as practising your hobby or reading an exceptional book.
Be mindful and observe your worries from an
outsider’s perspective, without reacting or judging. This strategy is
based on observing your worries and then letting them go, helping you
identify where your thinking is causing problems and getting in touch
with yourself.
Understanding that we have control over our own
thoughts, and therefore our own worries can be a lightbulb moment that
changes how you perceive your worries.
Learning to stop worrying will be the catalyst to
change your life completely. It won’t happen overnight, and it is
something you will need to work at, but once you notice changes,
celebrate them and keep doing things that can help you get out of your
head more.
If worrying is a problem that you feel you cannot
control, it is important to seek professional help. There is no reason
to let it run your life.
Thomas Oppong is the founder of
AllTopStartups and writes on science-based answers to problems in life
about creativity, productivity, and self-improvement.