Mourning and Memory
Every day millions of us face the loss of a loved one. Grief is not widely understood and I hope this post by Julia Lundstrom sheds light on mourning for many!
Good Grief: How Mourning Can Affect Your Memory
Of two things we can be certain: death and taxes. Yet, we never seem prepared for the death of a loved one.
Having dealt with grief and mourning in my own life, I have a certain
empathy for those who are experiencing this painful aspect of life.
Since I’ve experienced many different types of grieving which have
resulted in my expressing or not expressing my grief, I find that
socially and culturally grieving is not understood very well.
This has led me to do research on the topic. Because I speak
day-to-day with many people in various stages of mourning and hear their
pain in their voice, I’d love to share some of the information I’ve
found.
Grief isn’t just for mourning death
It seems in our culture that grieving is only acceptable if you’re
mourning the death of a very close loved one. Yet, scientifically it has
been proven that we as humans grieve over many aspects of life such as
losing our health, losing a friend or beloved pet. Losing a job and
divorce is cited as huge factors for entering depression which is the
result of the grieving process.
If we could be allowed to look at what we’re experiencing as what it
truly is – mourning the loss of something or someone we truly loved,
then perhaps we could get on with the process.
Complex Grief
As if grief isn’t bad enough, did you know there is such a thing as
complicated grief? I didn’t either until I began to study the topic. It
seems that when I need things to be the simplest it is when I am
mourning, but that isn’t necessarily the case.
Complicated grief, according to medical literature, is when the grief
isn’t simply emotional. When we experience loss, some of us more
sensitive creatures tend to experience it on every level, even the
physical. Loss felt deeply for long periods of time will wreck your
immune system, cause your adrenals to be overworked and your hormone
regulation to disrupted. Essentially, you become very weak, tired and
quite possibly sick.
But what about memory?
Interestingly, grief impacts memory deeply. In recent years, a study
was published that followed those who had experienced grief from the
loss of a loved one. It showed that short-term memory was affected for
all the study participants. For those that grieved longer, complicated
grief became an issue and memory was impacted even more.
For those suffering complicated grief, they could remember almost
anything as long the memory involved the deceased loved one. Most other
memories were severely impacted if the memory did not include their
loved one.
Other studies have shown that in some instances, people who are
grieving suffer Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which is known to
have memory impact as well. With complicated grief there’s the problem
of multiple issues affecting the brain at the same time. Depression,
PTSD, and anxiety all contribute to major memory issues sometimes
resulting in episodes of complete forgetfulness of the most basic of
tasks.
The Good News
Here’s
what you should know. While grieving and mourning are different for
every person and can vary drastically in length for each person, the
memory issues normally go back to normal once the opportunity to
completely grieve has occurred. This could be years of memory issues in
varying intensity but only if the person is experiencing severe
complicated grief for a very long time will it cause changes in the
brain that could cause lasting memory issues.
What you can do
When I speak with grievers, the first thing I tell them is they are
perfectly OK. They need to be reassured that what they are going through
is normal. I’m told every time that this helps them immediately and
tremendously. My experiences and research tell me that even with the
scariest episodes of memory loss (can’t remember how to start a car) it
is merely a stark wake up call for you to listen to what your body
needs. It needs support from you to go through the process of letting
go.
