This may help someone who is going through a divorce!
Most people can probably agree that
“divorce is crappy,” but Alisha Straatman, creator of Life Goes On
Journals, wanted to make sure that “crappy” divorce didn’t turn her into
a “crappy person.”
“Everyone has reasons to get divorced, and my goal isn’t what went
wrong in your marriage; my focus is how do you move on? Life will go on
with or without you, what are you going to do moving forward,” Straatman
said.
Alisha Straatman, creator of Life Goes On Journal
That goal to move forward with a happy life is the driving force
behind Life Goes On Journals. While Straatman was going through her
divorce, she said there were very little resources out there to help
her, especially within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
“It’s geared toward the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
and other Christians, but I know a lot of things in the journal are
helpful no matter what,” she said. “There was definitely a divine
presence helping me create this journal.”
The idea behind the journal came three days after Straatman’s
realized her marriage was over. “It became my passion project to help me
get through my own divorce,” she explained. “I was feeling all these
emotions and needed help and really couldn’t find what I needed. I
realized I needed to create something for the next person going through
that same experience.”
The journal is a daily guide that includes self-care tips, prompts to
get the user thinking, a place to “rate your day” and a spot to name
the emotions from the day. “Giving your emotions a name is a powerful way to heal,”
Straatman said. There is also a section to write down what self-care
was done that day, and a place to list gratitude and victories.
“I believe in always looking for the good, even something as simple
as a friend bringing you chocolate. Divorce sucks and the whole point of
the journal is to say, “how am I going to move on and be ok?’”
The journal went on sale to the public on June 30. Straatman said
it’s already been helpful for a lot of people. “I’m not trying to make
money off of other people’s grief,” she said. “The idea is to help women
heal, and I was tired of not having any resources for divorced women
within the LDS faith.”
Feedback has been positive, with many women saying it is exactly what
they’ve needed, and others wishing there was something like this
journal when they were going through their divorce.
“There are so many books about divorce, but I
wanted to give a voice to women who were maybe in a voiceless marriage.
I want you to tell your own story. We have the answers inside of us. We
just need the right prompts to get them out,” Straatman said.
Straatman said if she could talk to anyone going through a divorce,
she would remind them they are still worthy of love. “Not just romantic
love, but divorce can seem really shameful and make a person feel
guilty. You’re not a failure. You aren’t worth less because you’ve
experienced it,” she said.
The Life Goes On Journal costs $20-$25 plus shipping, and Straatman
said that cost basically pays for the book and the rest of the money
goes toward keeping the business running.
“Again, I’m not out to make money on people’s grief. I have a full-time job; this is just a resource I felt guided to put into the world.” Straatman said right now the design is geared toward women, but that she’s working on a journal for men as well.
The Life Goes On Journals can be found online at www.lifegoesonjournal.com
and on Facebook and Instagram @lifegoeson.journal. Straatman openly
shares about her experiences and lessons about divorce on her personal
Instagram account @alishajeanlife.
I
walked a dear friend through the grief of a dying marriage last year.
After less than two years enjoying what she thought was a wonderful
marriage, she discovered the lies and the multiple infidelities her
husband had been covering up since before they were married. Even worse,
he was unrepentant for his numerous betrayals.
It was the first and only time I ever counseled anyone to seek a divorce.
We both knew how deeply marriage matters to God and that
covenantal relationships are not intended to be broken. Yet, God gives
his people clear guidelines
for times when divorce might be the only acceptable solution. In her
case, the damage and lies were too numerous to overcome with only one
party committed to repairing their failed relationship.
As her marriage died, I was able to come alongside her,
mourning her husband’s unrepentant heart and the future that she had
lost. I saw the heartbreak the revelations of her husband’s deceit
brought. Then her outlook sunk lower when she recognized that they
weren’t going to be able to work to mend their young marriage, and this
was the end.
These seemed like inevitable aspects of the pain of
divorce. What I didn’t anticipate was her agony grow as she walked into
church on Sunday morning.
As a church, we are significantly more committed to staying married
than the culture around us. Unfortunately, sometimes the biblical zeal
for marriage overwhelms the need for grace, support, and care for those
who are victims of the broken relationships bound to arise in our sinful
world.
So in her Christian community, the gossip spread. She
quietly backed away from her former church, in hopes that her husband
would be free to experience repentance and heal in the midst of a
community of believers. Her selfless attitude was met with fellow church
members speculating that things might have been different had she
fought harder for him or trusted God more to heal their relationship.
None of us imagine divorce to be an easy solution;
however, it took this close look at the saga for me to realize just how
deeply painful and layered it is to be the one who left, the divorcee,
the ex-wife in the pews.
For the married women who face the pain of ongoing
infidelity or abuse, going to church often brings feelings of inadequacy
not only as a wife but also as a Christian. When women have already
wrestled with the question of whether or not their marriage is
salvageable— have sought God in prayer and Christian counsel—being
forced to defend their decision to their brothers and sisters is an
unnecessary burden on an already unbearable situation.
Nobody wants to delve into just how many times their
spouse was unfaithful, how many lies covered it up, or how repentant or
unrepentant they might be. (Not to mention when children are involved,
parents may seek to protect them by keeping the details private.)
Americans overall are actually more likely than pastors
themselves to believe divorce is a sin even in the cases of adultery
(39%) and abandonment (38%). The women in our church working through the
grief of the loss of their marriage cannot afford for us to treat
divorce in this all-or-nothing manner, as if every instance of a failed
marriage is a wrong and sinful decision.
Some of us will be in positions where we counsel,
advise, and assist fellow church members who are considering whether to
divorce. If we are called to this task, we need to come alongside
marriages with prayerful discernment, asking questions to ascertain the
full situation so that we can advise with understanding and wisdom.
But for casual friends and pew-mates, for those who
learn of the divorce later, I believe our initial impulse should be to
grieve and care for the parties involved, rather than to challenge their
decision or seek out proof that the relationship was really
irreparable.
The church is the best place to care for those who are
hurt by the brokenness of the world while also affirming the importance
of commitment in marriage. In our churches, we will often come across
divorces where we feel compelled to take sides and declare one person
justified and the other guilty. But the Bible doesn’t give us these easy
answers. It shows us we are all sinners in need of grace. Instead of
shallow gossip or good riddances, we must offer those going through a
divorce the truth of the gospel.
As outsiders of the marriage, processing a divorce in a
Christian manner requires showing grace to both parties involved; we
both support the hurting spouse in their grief and show our willingness
to help restore the offending spouse should repentance come.
We need to come alongside those who are grieving the
loss of their marriage, of the future they had dreamed of, and support
them as they face, full-force, the reality of the fallen world we live
in. As believers, we are called to bind up the wounded hearts and set
the captives free. Supporting those grieving the devastating effects of
sin on their marriages is just one way we can carry out our mission to
be the hands and feet of Christ to the hurting in this world.
Divorce
shatters a sense of identity built, in part, around being a wife, or
particularly so-and-so’s wife. Deep betrayal leads to deep wounds.
Instead of negating this pain, we need to speak to them the truth that
they are beloved by God, altogether lovely and without blemish.
Because marriage is meant to mirror Christ’s
relationship with the church, though, it can have devastating spiritual
implications. For some women, it becomes hard to see how God would
extend grace and love that their own husband would not offer them. As a
church, we need to speak this truth to them and remind them of the worth
they have in Christ and the love God has already and will continue to
lavish upon them.
We need to lament with them the loss of their marriage and not downplay their hurt. As Esther Fleece, the author of No More Faking Fine, wrote, God expresses his love for us in lament
for the broken state we are in. He laments with us when good things are
broken and so too should we lament when people around us face the
brokenness of the world.
In fact, when we see the heartache of earthly
relationships, we are reminded that we shouldn’t be too comfortable in
this world but should long for the one to come. Our friends experiencing
divorce bear the weight of this tension in a visceral way. When we come
alongside them in lament, they direct our hearts again to this reality
and call us to lament the sin in the world and call for Christ’s return.
Ultimately, none of our marriages are meant to be
sufficient but are pointers to this greater longing. The fallen state of
our world means that this reflection will occasionally be distorted
beyond recognition, and that, in some circumstances, God allows for
divorce. It is heartbreaking, but also a reality we as Christians must
learn to process and grieve.
In this process, may we come alongside those who bear
the battle wounds of this broken world with the grace and love of Christ
who continues to long for his bride, the church.
Divorce is a menace of our times. It has always happened but not on such a grand scale. Women often are the victims so this organisation offers help.
Divorce is a word that brings discomfort to many people.Yet the
divorce rate in our country is at 50 percent, and with three out of four
women ultimately widowed, there is an overwhelming number of women who
need support.
F.C. Tucker’s Nancee Dowler says she can relate, as she’s experienced it herself.
I’ve gone through a devastating divorce, I’ve been there.
When my marriage ended, I was forced to start over personally and
professionally. I know first-hand the overwhelming feelings of loss,
confusion, and anxiety. I didn’t know who to turn to, who to trust. For
this reason, once I was back on my feet, I set out to make a difference
for families going through these same challenges.”
So on Sept. 16, the “National Celebration of Women in Transition”
event comes to Indy. It’s part of a series of seminars being held across
the country. Its focus? To empower. Educate.
Colouring books are all the rage now. They are a good way to unwind and focus on the task of colouring in the shapes, thereby taking attention away from what may have been worrying you at work, at home or in this woman's case, ease the pain of divorce by shutting off.
This can be extremely beneficial as I can imagine the fear of the unknown in a divorce case can occupy the mind in a gigantic fashion. Anyone who has ever been worried will be able to relate to this so kudos to this woman who saw how colouring helped her and thought she would be able to help other women.
The information in this blog may help some people. Mayim Bialik gives advice because of what she is going through with her own divorce which is always so helpful in making people feel that they are not alone.
